Posted in Adulting, Budgeting, Challenge, Daily Prompt, Hacks, How To, Thoughts, What happened?, What I Do

DAY 2 – Food Budget ChallengeΒ 

DAY 2 – 13 November 2017

It is now day 2 and I’m shopping. I went to wet market to buy my fish and chicken. 

3kg of chicken for IDR98K – $7.23 and 3 kg of fish for IDR78K – $5.75

Not gonna show you what’s inside though. They’re pretty gross 😷

I usually buy my produce from a street shop near the kid’s school but today I went with my guts to buy at the wet market. 

And I was making a good decision coz I only paid IDR63K – $4.65 for all of those produce. If I bought from the street shop, I know I would’ve spent at least $10. Crazy what this hard situation teach you. It teaches you to go beyond your comfort zone. To push you to do the extraordinary. 

I know that I don’t have anymore budget for fruit but I have to stock on fruits coz my kids need fruits. So I bought a papaya for IDR15K – $1.11.

And my rice box is empty πŸ˜₯ I thought I could’ve more money to spend on something else but then I need to stock on rice. Indonesian don’t eat without rice. So ya, I bought 10kg of rice and I have an amazing aunt that give me an extra 10kg for free. Thank you aunty… God bless you πŸ˜‡

10kg will feed us for about a week and thanks to aunty we will have enough supply for about 2 weeks ✌ And the rice will stretch for more days coz my cousin just gave us dog food. My dog also eat rice but since now we have dog food. We will have enough supply of rice 😁. I’m so grateful for families that always support and help me in hard times. 

Today I fry fish and make spinach soup with corn.

I only have enough fish for hub and the kids. I don’t normally eat the fish or the chicken. If I’m lucky, the kids will have some leftovers for me. They usually still have something left for me to eat. Or I’ll just eat rice and whatever veggies I cook that day. 

Well… This is for today. We’ll see what I cook tomorrow. I’m thinking of buying eggs with the money left in the budget. 

Please hit the ‘follow’ button if you haven’t already so you don’t miss my journey. And follow my Instagram account @dessysdays for more updates. 

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Posted in Adulting, Daily Prompt, Thoughts, What happened?

Is extended warranty really worthed?

Almost every electronic that I own bought from an Electronic Solution or Electronic City. Pricing is a little higher than a small electronic shop, outside the mall, I mean like the shop we can find across the street. But I find it comfortable to buy from the mall, safer if I should say. 

I don’t feel like they’re going to cheat on me. I know where to go when I have something to ask or if anything wrong with my purchase. I’m pretty sure I got the electronic from the original company or factory. 

I know that I could’ve bought some randomly ‘failed’ products but again, I know where to go when that happen. But when you purchase from the street shop, I know they’re not gonna care and just pingpong us here and there. 

And more amazing things from buying it at the mall is they have extended warranty. It’s not a must from them. They’ll offer us everything we purchase from them. The amount is dependingon your purchase. But it’s pretty cheap. It’s like IDR400k for 4 years of extended warranty. Amazing. And I always buy the extended warranty.  Always.

And now this happens to us. 

We bought 3 Sharp Plasmacluster AC from a street shop coz my hub wanted to find a cheaper price. We bought on July 2016 and since our new house wasn’t ready yet, we installed them on December 2016. 

Now it’s November 2017 and one AC in the boy’s room is screwed. I think it got struck by a lightening. It was one stormy day and my youngest saw a weird lights on the AC. I tried to plugged out the cable and plugged in again, not working. 

So hub called the shop and said that their guy is going to look at it. He was hoping that the warranty is effective on December, the month that we installed it. But it doesn’t work that way. The warranty is effective on the date of purchase. So we’re out of warranty. Dang. 

Today the technician came and I have to pay more than IDR600k to get it fixed. Dang. Wish that we bought it from the mall and we won’t have this headache. 

So is extended warranty worthed? ABSOLUTELY.  

I have this good experience on the extended warranty. I bought a Toshiba TV from Electronic Solution and it was also struck by a lightening. I am not lightening bff. My TV is still broken after so many times got fixed. It’s a whole different story. But I don’t have to pay a dime for it to get fixed coz I paid for 4 years extended warranty. 

This AC. I have to wait for an extra money to get it fixed. Do you find it weird that whenever you’re broke there’s always something broken needs to be fixed? I find it depressing though. Well… Gotta keep the spirit high. 

Lesson learned. Always buy electronics from the mall and always buy the extended warranty. Always. 

Posted in Adulting, Christianity, Daily Prompt, Thoughts, What happened?

It’s rooting!

I planted the garlic on 22 August, watering it everyday, nothing. Waited for so long, started to doubt that it’ll work out.

Mom and hubby has been discrediting me (again). But I just keep watering it. I planted the garlic and cover it with soil, about 2cm, and they said I was doing it wrong.

For almost a month, they keep saying that I was wrong. I don’t know what’s going on in there, but I keep waiting, watering it, waiting, see nothing but weeds.

Then this morning, I’m sitting in my dining table, having my coffee, watching YouTube while waiting for my laundry to be done, I saw a hint of hope. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa *angels singing.

It was hidden behind a weed, I got a closer look, and it’s garlic!!! I saw one then I saw another next to it. I planted 6 in total. The revelation!

You know, I told you earlier, gardening can really really teach you life. Our lives should have hopes.

We don’t really see any changes, don’t really know what’s going on, don’t understand God’s plan, but as long as we have faith, one day, one fine day… God will fulfill His promises.

Everything is well planned. God is lining up the right people for you, organizing teenie bitty details, mapping out the route. All you have to do is have faith, keep doing the right thing, prepare for the revelation.

It’s important to prepare yourself. The sooner you’re prep, the sooner God granted you His gift. I can’t say enough of how crucial preparation is.

You can’t visibly see the changes, but it’s rooting. It’s rooting and you’ll harvest.

Posted in Daily Prompt, Parenting, Thoughts, What happened?

Numb

I’ve been dealing with the struggles inside my heart and my brain.

After so long being fatherless, months ago, he showed up. Well, we haven’t met in person, but he showed up to my mom. She did call me to meet up with him, but I refused. Not for holding a grudge against him, but I didn’t feel the necessity of meeting him. Not after all this time. And my brain immediately sense something was wrong.

He and Mom divorced looooooooong time ago when I was 2yo. Mom still took me to see him once in a while, even was staying near his house (he was living with his new wife and children). Maybe mom was thinking that it’s better for me to still be near my father. But being so closed to his house didn’t make any intimacy.

I have very little memories of my childhood. Very little. It’s like cuts here and there. But I do remember, till now, the part where I was having a dengue. My mom found me bleeding on the bed in the middle of the night. Found some blood in the bathroom (I puked blood). I bled through my nose, ears, mouth, and I puked blood.

I remember Mom carried me across the street, knocked his front door, asked him to help her took me to hospital. She handed me to him. He carried me and we’re waiting for some kind of transportation to get to me to hospital. Then I puked blood again on his jacket. He looked disgusted. Not worried. Disgusted. He handed me to mom and said he’ll get home and asked my mom to take me to hospital by herself.

Mom panicked. Now that I have my own children, I understand her feeling. She wouldn’t asked for his help if she’s stronger enough to face the possibilities of what would’ve happened to me. I could only imagine of her thinking that she could be dealing with a dead daughter in the next 5 minutes. She would want someone to be by her side when it happened. She chosen my father. Yet, he refused.

Long story short, I was in hospital for weeks and never once he came to visit me. Not as I remember. Thank God, mom didn’t have to deal with funeral. And life goes on. She still took me to see him once in a while. We still met at some family (his side) occasions.

In all those times we met, never once he mentioned about bringing me into his life. We were just having casual conversation, awkwardly. Saying hi and bye in such short amount of time. Never once that we had any father daughter moments. Never.

And now, he wanted to enter my life. Messaging me and never once I replied. From saying dreamy words about father and daughter relationship, his love for me, then blaming mom for separating me and him, saying that it’s not his idea for a divorce, then cursing mom, cursing me, blessing me, cursing my children, cursing my family, blessing my children, and on and on and on.

He kept saying that I misjudged him for being a miserable man begging me to take him. That he’s not asking any favors from me, he just wants to see me and being a part of my family, being a grandfather to my children. But I know better. I don’t judge him. But I know better.

Then… The revelation!

He messaged me that he is homeless now. No longer staying with his (I lost count) wife and children, coz they threw him out. Still I don’t give any response. He started cursing me again. No surprise. Not once he says sorry for what he did to me. Not once he feels sorry for not being there in my life. Not once. He kept blaming others. Blaming me for his miserable life.

What did I do wrong? I wasn’t even in his life, what wrong could I do to him? Financially, he wasn’t helping at all. Yes he was obligated to support me, he was a police officer, so there are rules for it. But it was tiny support. If my mom didn’t work hard, we would barely have food, let alone paying for my school tuitions, and college.

So yeah… I was fatherless. Am still fatherless.

Now he’s screaming to me that he’s my FATHER. That without him, I wouldn’t have even exist in this world. Oh wow! How a man can easily call himself a father over sperms. Pardon my language.

Being a mother myself, teach me what the word MOTHER means. It’s not only about the womb that carries a baby, not only about giving birth, not only about nauseousness of the pregnancy, not only about the boobs to breastfeed your babies. It’s about raising them. It’s all about the love and sacrifices for your children. It’s about putting yourself last. It’s no longer about you, it’s all about the children. Everything else comes last.

Don’t I forgive him? I do. I don’t have any particular hate feelings for him. I don’t think about payback. I pity him for being in this situation. I don’t keep a grudge against him. I just don’t have the feeling. The daughter feelings. The love. I feel numb for him.

When you don’t feel a thing, how can you response?

I know that God ask us to love our enemies.

But how I love him when he’s not an enemy? He’s no one. Well, other than the sperm part. He’s nobody.

But I don’t try to hurt him by not responding. I do pray for him. Not a specific pray, but I pray for the best. I do bless him by not cursing him. You can say I don’t do what I preach. But do so, what pleases you, I won’t judge you.

I don’t blame him for leaving me fatherless. Yes, it shaped my mentality out off course. I did make some stupid decisions and foolish mistakes. But who doesn’t? Even if you have a father or not, children makes mistakes. So, I don’t blame him.

Yes, it shaped my character. But who I am now is not the product of perfection nor brokenness. Who I am is my responsibility. I wouldn’t blame my parents for my misbehave and crimes. I’m a product of my choices. I take all responsibilities over my life. My good and bad. My mistakes and achievements. I am who I choose to be.

Of course as a parent, I have the responsibility to take care of my children. To take them to the right path. To give what’s best for them. But I don’t control their life. Once they become an adult, it’s their life. They’re choices.

The part of my fatherless life, it’s his choice.

Would I wanted it a different way? I don’t know. It’s been done. We’ll see what the future will brings. I don’t control the universe.

Posted in Daily Prompt, Thoughts, What happened?

My First 50!

Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you 😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘

This could be tiny for you, but to me… It HUGE!!!

Yes numbers is not my main goal for my blogging, but still… Seeing those numbers getting higher each times, brings out the fire in me.

I do sometimes breaking my rules of consistency by not posting every day, but I don’t want blogging become a burden. I want it as original and as authentic as me sharing my life with you.

I want it to be as useful and give values to my readers and followers. I don’t want to copy paste someone else’s blog just for numbers.

It is who I am… Presented to you my first 50 😘 Thank you πŸ’ž

Posted in Daily Prompt, Day In The Life, How To, Thoughts, What happened?

A Bummer!

Soooooooooo…

I just spent more than IDR100k to buy my domain with GoDaddy. Soooooo excited that I finally have the courage (and money) to buy a domain for my blog. Felt like I finally grow up. Finally making the commitment.

Then…

When I tried to map out my domain to WordPress, I need to pay more, this I just found out. I thought I only need to pay for the domain. End of story.

But…

It turns out, on 2017, I can’t just pay for mapping out my domain to WordPress for $13 (which I wasn’t prepared for), I need to upgrade to premium for $99 (whaaaaaaaaat???).

Gosh! What a bummer!

If I have the money, it’s a no brainer. I love writing and I love my blog. Its my baby. But, it seems that I can’t fund college for my baby right now, need more time.

What do I need to do next?

I can pay $99 (IDR1.3m) for a year with WordPress or I can pay GoDaddy to manage my hosting in WordPress for IDR1.8m ($135) for 3 years. As you can see, GoDaddy is way cheaper.

Patience…

Yes, I’ll be patience. I’ll keep nurturing my baby with what I have for now. Gotta always do best with what you have right?

 

Posted in Adulting, Christianity, Daily Prompt, Thoughts, What happened?

What church can do to you…

These few days are rough but not unbearable.

As always, I keep my opinion to myself. The words stays and not spilled out. I stayed away from everybody. Staying away from my emotional breakdown.

This morning before church, my spirit was low. Way low than I was before. I kinda wanted to skip church but I don’t wanna be at home.

At that moment, I wish that I’m single and alone, like 15 years ago. I can do whatever I want without worrying about anybody or anything.

But I’m not single and I need to take my children to church. So, we went to the church.

Do you know what a church do to you? It lifted up your spirit. It strengthen your faith. It worth your time.

Having to worship God and be together with people in faith, makes you feel better. Knowing that I’m blessed in many ways that I may not understand.

To be able to put some clothes on me, to be able to have meals on the table, to have gas so I can go to church. I’m blessed.

Yes, I have my difficulties, problems, issues, but hey…. Who doesn’t?

I was feeling disappointed for those who seems don’t (wanna) understand my situation. Trying to be ignorance thinking that they have a bigger problem than I do. Which I think, mine is bigger. Still… We all have our own priorities right?

Well maybe I’m not in their priority list, so they kinda shut me off. And I feel discouraged. I feel abandoned, alone, hurt. That’s what happens when you rely on people. When you put your hopes on people.

Church reminds me that to God only is my hope should be. That whatever I need and hope for, God only can provide. God never disappoint.

His time may not be synchronized with yours, but some delay here and there is not a failure. He never fails to fulfill His promises, He’s just putting everything in its place at its time.

After church I don’t suddenly solve all of my problems, but I’m glad I went. I got so much more.

Posted in Christianity, Daily Prompt, Parenting, Thoughts, What happened?

Instagram and good deedsΒ 


A good question isn’t it? 

A question we need to ask ourselves every morning. To start the day right. Having a purpose. 

We spend too much thinking about ourselves. About how to satisfied our self needs. To make us happy. To ‘live’.

Abe is 12 yo. He’s starting to ask about having social media accounts. Well, he started to ask months of months ago, and I said “not yet”. 

When I was picking him up one day, as usual I asked him stuffs, about school and friends, especially the ‘one friend’ (you know what I mean *wink*). 

Then he told me, “mom, I tell you a secret. I messaged her using Oma’s Instagram account”. *Cricket*. 

I realized that he needs his social life. I can’t keep him in the dark forever or I’ll be dealing with more darkness, and I don’t want him to keep any secrets from me. 

I told him, I’ll make him an Instagram account using Oma’s phone. He agreed, very excited. 

Last night, I made him an Instagram account on my phone. I (still) need to control and monitor his social life, and it’ll be a hassle if I have to keep bothering my mom for her phone to check on Abe’s account. 

He was soooooooo happy. His face was glowing with excitement. Precious 😍 

I told him, he can play with Instagram only after he finishes his obligations and responsibilities. Homeworks, school projects, exams, house chores, etc. I told him, I need an assurance that I can trust him to handle social media by being a responsible teenager. We made some more agreements. So it’ll be a win win. 

After his football practice, he went straight to bath, did his homework, prepared books for the next day, house chores, dinner, then he asked for my phone. 

Hold on mister! 

An adult knows how to control themselves. I asked him, “where can you lend a hand?”. One needs to think about others before satisfying their own selves. Then he walked in the kitchen and start doing dishes. Dishes that he repeatedly refuse to do coz he doesn’t want to touch the dirty plates. 

See how powerful a phone for teenagers? Hahahaha. They’re willing to do anything just to satisfy their needs to have a glimpse of joy. Having the phone in his hand and play with Instagram made him do dishes. I sure will think of something else for him to do πŸ˜‰ 

We’re like those teens whose constantly thinking so hard to make ourselves happy that we forget about others. What we can do to help even just a tiny bit part of other’s lives. 

For Abe, the reward is simple, a few minutes with the phone. For us in general, God surely has His great rewards. What He promised, He will fulfill. 

Love others like He loves us. Help others like He helps us. 

Let’s make it a habit. Ask ourselves every morning, “where can I lend a hand today?”. Help someone else everyday. Doesn’t have to be big. Start with something small. We’ll do better everyday then it’ll become a habit. 

Posted in Adulting, Christianity, Daily Prompt, Thoughts, What happened?

Life update! Job interview…Β 

I haven’t tell you this… I went for a job interview last couple of weeks. 

Shocking? Yes! I even shocked at myself. 

Me. A stay at home mom by choice went for a job interview 2 hours away from home. 

What happen to wanting to be with the kids full time, taking care of the house, to not miss a single moment of motherhood? 

Well… Life happens and life is forcing me to go out of the house and earn us some money. Apparently, my VA jobs and online shop is insufficient to pay bills. So… Yeah… 

My cousin texted me about a job opening at her office with the job I haven’t quite get the experience on it, but she convinced me that I can do it. Yes, I CAN DO IT! 

I’m a strong believer of ‘nothing is impossible’. Anybody can learn their way to something. I had my jobs for not having the experience at first but when my employer hired me, I give my all. I work my way up and I never disappoint. 

Life is about learning. There’s not a thing in this life that you can’t accomplish as long as you’re willing to learn how to achieve them and work your way up. 

If you find yourself losing faith and motivation to achieve something, maybe that means you don’t want it that bad anyway. Yes, we slack off sometimes, many times, but if we want it bad, we’ll fight our way back until we get want we wanted. 

That’s what made me went to the interview. I’ve had my struggle, to stay at home or go out and work. But when I made the first step to be on my way to the office, I had (only) one thing in mind, to be a working mom. 

On my way back home after the interview, I didn’t have the feeling of being in any urgency. I mean, I do want to get a job but I also want to be a stay at home mom. Which one is more appealing? At that moment, I really don’t know. I can do my best for both of them. 

So what exactly was in my mind? I was in a full surrender mode to God. I surrender. One thing I keep saying in my mind, God has a plan for me and I trust Him. Whether I’ll be a working mom or a stay at home mom, its God’s will. I’ve done my part. I went to the interview and now it’s His part. 

I didn’t have the pressure after the interview. No burden whatsoever. I felt relieved. It’s almost like ‘I got the job’ feeling. Like I’ll have no more money problems, which is not true. But that’s exactly how I felt. That’s how you feel when you’re in such faith that your life is in God’s hands. 

After some times, I had the news that I didn’t get the job. Was I sad? No! Was I happy? Not quite the right word to describe how I felt, but I was OKAY. 

In fact, after I got the news, I feel more alive. I feel more sure of who I am, what I am. I didn’t feel as a failure for not being able to get a job but I feel more confident in doing my part as a stay at home mom. 

This is what God wants me to do. For now. 

But what about our financial situation? Well… God didn’t give me the job, so I believe He’ll find a way to provide us. Yes I have mountains of bills that I need to get done with, but there will be time for it. Patience is a surrender to God’s timing and control.

I believe, as long as I do my part, God will do His part. Hope is the key to patience. 

Posted in Daily Prompt, Parenting, Thoughts, What happened?

I’m a bad mom!Β 

As much as I love my kids, I love them too. After about 10-15 hours with my children everyday, cleaning the house, cooking, chauffeur-ing, taking care of business. I’d love to have time watching Grey’s Anatomy just for 2 episodes (2 hours out of hundreds hours I spend with the kids) once a week. 

What is so wrong in having a time, watching my favorite TV show? Can I skip just one night sending the kids to bed, just a good night kiss instead of spending 20-30 minutes reading Bible, looking for mosquitoes, telling stories, and other before bed routines? 

Would I be a bad mother for choosing Grey’s Anatomy over my kids for 2 hours? 

Would I be a bad mother wanting a time to watch TV? 

Would I?