Posted in Adulting, Christianity, Daily Prompt, Parenting, Thoughts, Writings

Woman Power

I pray for all the single mothers that you stay in faith and surrender to God. Give your children in His hands and believe that you’re not alone. God will work with you hand in hand.

Keep your head high coz there’s nothing to be ashamed of. You are doing everything you can to give whatever the children’s needs.

People may buzz but they don’t live your life. You are doing what’s best for the children and for you. They might think and say whatever they’d like, and whatever you do, they’ll keep finding a topic of this week.

Talk is cheap. It really does. But walking limbs, wounded, yet still have to fight to survive is a good price to pay. Believe that God will pay for every tears you shed.

Keep doing what’s right. You might feel lonely and overwhelmed, nobody to share with, to at least give your mind at peace. But God is with you. He is walking right beside you. And He will carry you when you’re tired.

I pray for you who is struggling with your marriage that God will give you what’s best.

It may not be as you wanted but believe that God plans every single details of your life. Even the shaky marriage.

The marriage you’ve been dreaming of since you’re just a little baby girl turns into nightmare. It may seems that nothing goes your way and all you feel is pain. Believe that God sees all and He is a loving father who will protect you from breaking.

You may stand in the junction without knowing where to go. Afraid of taking yet another wrong choices. Another decision. Another risk to take.

With the children involved, nothing seems to be the right choice. Do I think the children will be happier without their father? Do I think the arguing and the fighting can really bring any good to the children?

A lot of questions with no right answers. A lot of doubts. A lot of teary nights. A lot happens.

This is the right time to stay in touch with God. Ask for His guidance. No guarantee that you’ll see instant results, but as long as you stay in faith, I believe there’s nothing He can’t do for your happiness.

I don’t have the most amazing marriage. I don’t have great marriages in my family. I see broken hearted children. I see me.

As much as I wanted the best for my children, I don’t control other people’s minds. Two personalities with different background, education, environment, and two different brains become one, really need some hard work to do. And A LOT OF LOVE.

These messed up threads really messing up with our life. Please remember, DO NOT put other people’s lives into your account. They may seem to have a perfect life you’ve been dreaming of, but trust me, they are struggling a different battle to us.

Keep doing what’s right even if you’re not acknowledged. Have faith that God knows EVERYTHING. Pray for the best. Surrender to Him.

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Posted in Adulting, Christianity, Daily Prompt, Parenting, Thoughts, Writings

The Art Of “BUT” In Motherhood

Hey kiddos…

I know that you have the right to play and watch TV and internet and whatever it is that makes you feel good BUT… Please do your homework, do your chores, and your other responsibilities first.

I know that you want to eat all the junkiest food you ever see on TV commercial or coz your friends eat them and you tasted it and you liked it. I will give you every once in a while (when I’m in good mood and have the budget for it) BUT… Please eat your vegetables, fruits, and whatever it is I served on the table for your meals.

I know that you need your coolness in front of your friends and the girl you like, so you need to exist in the social media and talk the same language as them. Well, I made you the Instagram account and WhatsApp to ‘connect’ with them BUT… Please understand that you’re doing all those social thingy on my phone and I control when and with whom you ‘connect’.

I know and I believe that you can do whatever you want in life. Be whoever you want to be. A successful rich people who knows how to conquer the world. BUT… Please remember that all those don’t come easy. All those ‘glorious’ things in life don’t just fall from the sky for you. You need to work hard, have the character, and the right attitude to achieve them. Laziness can only bring you nothing.

I know that money makes you happy. You can buy and do whatever you want with all the money you have BUT… Please keep in mind that God owns it all. Every single penny you have, God owns it. Stay humble and make “giving back” a part of your life. Coz God bless you for you to be able to bless others.

I know that I will not always be there for you BUT… Please remember that I will be looking at you from above and feel very proud of you.

I may not be leaving you with loads of treasures BUT I will try my hardest to prepare you for the life that God wants you to be. I will be leaving you with the legacy of gratitude, good character, discipline, work ethic, empathy, God’s children material, and the attitude of a good human.

I may not be the best mom in the world BUT I will do my best to be your mom.

We will change our family tree. Do know that I make mistakes BUT you will see those mistakes as the lesson you need to live your life.

I don’t promise that you wouldn’t do any mistakes BUT you will have the attitude of a winner that will have a positive response towards any turn downs.

Dream big. Do big. Be big.

Posted in Adulting, Daily Prompt, Hacks, Parenting, Product Review, Thoughts, What I Do

Teenager In The World Of Technology

This app is what I use to compromise with my teenage boy. He’s 12yo and (still) not allowed to have his own phone but he needs to ‘keep up’ with friends.

I totally understand. I’m old school and I don’t see the necessities of my boy having a phone. I send and pick him up to wherever and whatever activities he have, so he doesn’t need a phone.

He said he wanted an Instagram, I made him one. He said he wanted a WhatsApp, first he was using my account to connect with his friends, and I get that he was mocked at school for chatting using mom’s account. So, I seek for solutions, a win win solutions.

I found this app that allows me to have multiple accounts in one phone. Great!!! So now he has his own WhatsApp under his own name, joining groups, chatting with friends, in my control.

Call me overprotective, but man, teens will shocked you with what they chat about. Shocked! Language wise and content wise.

By having control over my boy’s social networking, I get to know his friends and matters he doesn’t share with me. I can directly guide him and teach him on adulting, by controlling his social networking.

Living in a world of Hi-Tech environment can either benefit your children or can be destroying. It’s our responsibility to teach them how to be a responsible adult, starting from their teens age.

For now I only use it for WhatsApp and Instagram, so have no further comment on other apps. But so far so good. Everybody is happy ๐Ÿ‘Œ

Posted in Daily Prompt, Parenting, Thoughts, What happened?

Numb

I’ve been dealing with the struggles inside my heart and my brain.

After so long being fatherless, months ago, he showed up. Well, we haven’t met in person, but he showed up to my mom. She did call me to meet up with him, but I refused. Not for holding a grudge against him, but I didn’t feel the necessity of meeting him. Not after all this time. And my brain immediately sense something was wrong.

He and Mom divorced looooooooong time ago when I was 2yo. Mom still took me to see him once in a while, even was staying near his house (he was living with his new wife and children). Maybe mom was thinking that it’s better for me to still be near my father. But being so closed to his house didn’t make any intimacy.

I have very little memories of my childhood. Very little. It’s like cuts here and there. But I do remember, till now, the part where I was having a dengue. My mom found me bleeding on the bed in the middle of the night. Found some blood in the bathroom (I puked blood). I bled through my nose, ears, mouth, and I puked blood.

I remember Mom carried me across the street, knocked his front door, asked him to help her took me to hospital. She handed me to him. He carried me and we’re waiting for some kind of transportation to get to me to hospital. Then I puked blood again on his jacket. He looked disgusted. Not worried. Disgusted. He handed me to mom and said he’ll get home and asked my mom to take me to hospital by herself.

Mom panicked. Now that I have my own children, I understand her feeling. She wouldn’t asked for his help if she’s stronger enough to face the possibilities of what would’ve happened to me. I could only imagine of her thinking that she could be dealing with a dead daughter in the next 5 minutes. She would want someone to be by her side when it happened. She chosen my father. Yet, he refused.

Long story short, I was in hospital for weeks and never once he came to visit me. Not as I remember. Thank God, mom didn’t have to deal with funeral. And life goes on. She still took me to see him once in a while. We still met at some family (his side) occasions.

In all those times we met, never once he mentioned about bringing me into his life. We were just having casual conversation, awkwardly. Saying hi and bye in such short amount of time. Never once that we had any father daughter moments. Never.

And now, he wanted to enter my life. Messaging me and never once I replied. From saying dreamy words about father and daughter relationship, his love for me, then blaming mom for separating me and him, saying that it’s not his idea for a divorce, then cursing mom, cursing me, blessing me, cursing my children, cursing my family, blessing my children, and on and on and on.

He kept saying that I misjudged him for being a miserable man begging me to take him. That he’s not asking any favors from me, he just wants to see me and being a part of my family, being a grandfather to my children. But I know better. I don’t judge him. But I know better.

Then… The revelation!

He messaged me that he is homeless now. No longer staying with his (I lost count) wife and children, coz they threw him out. Still I don’t give any response. He started cursing me again. No surprise. Not once he says sorry for what he did to me. Not once he feels sorry for not being there in my life. Not once. He kept blaming others. Blaming me for his miserable life.

What did I do wrong? I wasn’t even in his life, what wrong could I do to him? Financially, he wasn’t helping at all. Yes he was obligated to support me, he was a police officer, so there are rules for it. But it was tiny support. If my mom didn’t work hard, we would barely have food, let alone paying for my school tuitions, and college.

So yeah… I was fatherless. Am still fatherless.

Now he’s screaming to me that he’s my FATHER. That without him, I wouldn’t have even exist in this world. Oh wow! How a man can easily call himself a father over sperms. Pardon my language.

Being a mother myself, teach me what the word MOTHER means. It’s not only about the womb that carries a baby, not only about giving birth, not only about nauseousness of the pregnancy, not only about the boobs to breastfeed your babies. It’s about raising them. It’s all about the love and sacrifices for your children. It’s about putting yourself last. It’s no longer about you, it’s all about the children. Everything else comes last.

Don’t I forgive him? I do. I don’t have any particular hate feelings for him. I don’t think about payback. I pity him for being in this situation. I don’t keep a grudge against him. I just don’t have the feeling. The daughter feelings. The love. I feel numb for him.

When you don’t feel a thing, how can you response?

I know that God ask us to love our enemies.

But how I love him when he’s not an enemy? He’s no one. Well, other than the sperm part. He’s nobody.

But I don’t try to hurt him by not responding. I do pray for him. Not a specific pray, but I pray for the best. I do bless him by not cursing him. You can say I don’t do what I preach. But do so, what pleases you, I won’t judge you.

I don’t blame him for leaving me fatherless. Yes, it shaped my mentality out off course. I did make some stupid decisions and foolish mistakes. But who doesn’t? Even if you have a father or not, children makes mistakes. So, I don’t blame him.

Yes, it shaped my character. But who I am now is not the product of perfection nor brokenness. Who I am is my responsibility. I wouldn’t blame my parents for my misbehave and crimes. I’m a product of my choices. I take all responsibilities over my life. My good and bad. My mistakes and achievements. I am who I choose to be.

Of course as a parent, I have the responsibility to take care of my children. To take them to the right path. To give what’s best for them. But I don’t control their life. Once they become an adult, it’s their life. They’re choices.

The part of my fatherless life, it’s his choice.

Would I wanted it a different way? I don’t know. It’s been done. We’ll see what the future will brings. I don’t control the universe.

Posted in Adulting, Christianity, Daily Prompt, Parenting, Thoughts

Be Prepared!

Gardening really open my eyes on waiting. Some plants died on me, some are taking too long to bear fruits, some are confusing.

Gardening is just like me planting hopes. Hoping that from nothing, it come out something. Sometimes I don’t plant seeds but I regrowth. I plant from used vegetables, hoping for it to still come out useful.

I’m a strong believer that my every step is ordered by God. It’s not that I don’t have a choice, but I need to take every single steps in God’s direction, or I’ll be lost and have to start all over again.

My life is about preparation. I prepared myself for college since primary school. I knew what I wanted, so I worked hard on it. I knew that I wanted to take English for college not because I had the highest score in school but because I love English so I became the only student with the highest English grade in school.

I tried to pursue my passion in highschool but the circumstances were not supportive. But the fire was still burning, even after 3 years in primary and 3 years in highschool, I finally gotten into University taking English Literature.

I got what I wanted and I didn’t stop there. Even after college, I pursue my career with the same faith and the same strong attitude. My career wasn’t built in coincidences. Working in a bank, in oil field company, in a hotel, being a secretary, an office manager, was not a coincidence. Didn’t have anything to do with luck.

God had all lined up for me. Every single steps, every single person I met, every opportunities, God planned all for me.

All I had to do was preparing myself to be ready for His plans. I disciplined myself, I built my character, I trained my faith, I shaped my mentality. Not that I was in any kind of a perfect human that God granted me His blessings, but because I was prepared.

I didn’t have anybody to look up to. I didn’t have a role model. I was so far drowned in my mental sickness. I didn’t ‘know’ God. I went to church but I didn’t understand God. I started all of my self-gratification out of disappoinments.

But God didn’t leave me. I may not understood, but I know deep inside that God loves me. He will take me to where I belong. Yes, I did make foolish mistakes and stupid decisions, but still He didn’t leave me. I survived the chaotic chapter of my life and became a discipline, strong-willed, faithful girl in the middle of nowhere, fighting and living alone far away from any of my relatives.

I know how important it is to be prepared. I know how important discipline, good characters, having faith in God, to our life. Any life. That’s why I’m so determined to teach the children to be prepared. I have the responsibility to prepare them. To nurture their seeds. I need to prepare them for what God has planned for them.

Yes it is soooooooo hard to do it alone. When you’re not in the same page with your spouse, the learning process seems to be harder and harder, every single day.

One need to realize how important self-discipline and strong characters are for one’s life, and really need to actually implement it in their life, to be able to teach one.

If God wanted to take you to a higher level, it’s going to require more character, more discipline, and more commitment. A good father may have a good gift for their children, but he won’t give it at the wrong time. If you’re not ready, he’ll withhold it. Coz a gift wouldn’t be a blessing if you’re not prepared for it.

I have a plan to give a phone for my teenage boy, he has been begging for a very long time, but I won’t give it to him yet. I need to prepare him for it. I wouldn’t want him to lost control in using internet, watching what he’s not supposed to be watching, talking what he’s not supposed to be talking, doing what he’s not supposed to be doing. He needs to prepare himself and be a responsible person before he can handle a phone. He needs to know what it means to be responsible. He could’ve left the phone somewhere and lose it, coz he doesn’t understand how to value something he own.

Seems like a very frustrating process just to own a phone right? Maybe yes, maybe not. But I love him too much to let him lost in his wants without preparing him to be ready for when he got what he wants. Coz if I do, I’ll be the one to blame for his misbehave and bad mentality.

It is just like us. We feel that what we’ve been praying seems not getting any closer but giving us more headache and frustration, going through too many sadness and troubles. You know what, we’re not the only who’s waiting. God is waiting for us to get ready. We will have to wait, be patience, keep doing the right thing, keep growing, keep being good to people, keep building our character, and strengthen our faith.

Our time is coming. Prepare ourselves. You can’t expect anything good happen when you’re idling around like some brainless zombies. How anyone would have anything to do with you and give you any opportunities, when you’re not even nice to other people? Why anybody helps you when you don’t even bother to help them when they’re in need?

Don’t wait to be good when you’re in good situation. Don’t wait on having a job to get up early. Don’t wait on having money to be smart in handling money. Don’t wait till anything good happen for you to be good.

Be good, be prepared, be disciplined, NOW!

Show God that we’re ready for Him to fulfilled His promises!

Posted in Daily Prompt, Parenting, Thoughts

Flip Flop

This is the situation of the boy’s cupboard. At the top shelf is Abe’s, the bottom is Al’s.

This is the boy’s desk. The left side is Al’s, the right side is Abe’s.

The boys put away their own clothes and organize their own books. Look at the difference ๐Ÿค”

Abe is more organized. Al is… ๐Ÿ˜Œ

2 boys from the same parents, from one womb, yet different characters.

This is why I can’t implement the same parenting to both boys. I need to be more intense on building Al’s character, which is why Abe is having the thought of me giving less attention on him.

On the other hand, Abe is a teenager now, he obviously needs me more on the adulting stuff, which make Al thinks that I put less time on him.

Gosh… There are no such thing as being fair when you’re parenting.

Two souls, two characters, two minds, two hearts, one mom ๐Ÿ˜จ

Posted in Adulting, Daily Prompt, How To, Parenting, Thoughts, Writings

Labeling

Practice makes perfect. Sometimes we punished ourselves for making mistakes.

Labeling ourselves for being not talented, stupid, mean, evil, criminals, sinners, lazy, unorganized, etc.

Why don’t we label ourselves with highly talented, smart, creative, kind, helpful, anointed, hard worker, etc.

We are what we continuously do. Our habit defines who we are. Doing something then making mistakes doesn’t mean that you have to stop trying.

I’m a strong believer that nothing is impossible as long as we want to try and don’t stop trying.

Find knowledge from everywhere, everyone, using every tool you have. Life is a learning process.

Don’t close yourself up thinking that you’re old or a genius or expert or whatever makes you feel so great about yourself that you don’t need anymore and anything from someone else.

We can ALWAYS get something from someone else. Make friends, socialize, talk to everybody, don’t look down on people, they may take you somewhere else you never know you’re capable of doing.

My son is 12 yo. He has been learning to play drum since he was 9 yo. Often times he asked to quit learning. I never forced him to do anything. I always give him choices.

Taekwondo, guitar class, Mandarin, soccer, badminton, drum, etc. After times, now only drum and soccer. He asked to join each of those classes, I took him and paid for each classes. But everytime he made mistakes, he wanted to quit for being “it’s not my thing”, “I’m not talented”, “I don’t want it anymore”, etc.

Well… He asked to join, ok. He asked to quit, ok. BUT… Before he quit, I’ll sit with him, review everything that he has been learning, spent time for, looking at it from every angle possible.

“There’s no such thing as you can’t. YOU ALWAYS CAN! ALWAYS! As long as you don’t quit trying”.

End of story, drum and soccer. Ok boy… YOU CAN DO IT!

Posted in Christianity, Daily Prompt, Parenting, Thoughts, What happened?

Instagram and good deedsย 


A good question isn’t it? 

A question we need to ask ourselves every morning. To start the day right. Having a purpose. 

We spend too much thinking about ourselves. About how to satisfied our self needs. To make us happy. To ‘live’.

Abe is 12 yo. He’s starting to ask about having social media accounts. Well, he started to ask months of months ago, and I said “not yet”. 

When I was picking him up one day, as usual I asked him stuffs, about school and friends, especially the ‘one friend’ (you know what I mean *wink*). 

Then he told me, “mom, I tell you a secret. I messaged her using Oma’s Instagram account”. *Cricket*. 

I realized that he needs his social life. I can’t keep him in the dark forever or I’ll be dealing with more darkness, and I don’t want him to keep any secrets from me. 

I told him, I’ll make him an Instagram account using Oma’s phone. He agreed, very excited. 

Last night, I made him an Instagram account on my phone. I (still) need to control and monitor his social life, and it’ll be a hassle if I have to keep bothering my mom for her phone to check on Abe’s account. 

He was soooooooo happy. His face was glowing with excitement. Precious ๐Ÿ˜ 

I told him, he can play with Instagram only after he finishes his obligations and responsibilities. Homeworks, school projects, exams, house chores, etc. I told him, I need an assurance that I can trust him to handle social media by being a responsible teenager. We made some more agreements. So it’ll be a win win. 

After his football practice, he went straight to bath, did his homework, prepared books for the next day, house chores, dinner, then he asked for my phone. 

Hold on mister! 

An adult knows how to control themselves. I asked him, “where can you lend a hand?”. One needs to think about others before satisfying their own selves. Then he walked in the kitchen and start doing dishes. Dishes that he repeatedly refuse to do coz he doesn’t want to touch the dirty plates. 

See how powerful a phone for teenagers? Hahahaha. They’re willing to do anything just to satisfy their needs to have a glimpse of joy. Having the phone in his hand and play with Instagram made him do dishes. I sure will think of something else for him to do ๐Ÿ˜‰ 

We’re like those teens whose constantly thinking so hard to make ourselves happy that we forget about others. What we can do to help even just a tiny bit part of other’s lives. 

For Abe, the reward is simple, a few minutes with the phone. For us in general, God surely has His great rewards. What He promised, He will fulfill. 

Love others like He loves us. Help others like He helps us. 

Let’s make it a habit. Ask ourselves every morning, “where can I lend a hand today?”. Help someone else everyday. Doesn’t have to be big. Start with something small. We’ll do better everyday then it’ll become a habit. 

Posted in Adulting, Christianity, Daily Prompt, Parenting, Thoughts

The Temptation

I have some bitterness in my heart. Have to struggle with it every single day. Facing it every single second. 

So many times I want to give up to the temptation of anger. Just wanted to let everything out. Making a scene. Saying things that I’ve been keeping for so many years, for the sake of peace. 

The peace I’ve been trying to keep, starting to burst. The wall I’ve been trying to build, starting to crumble. The war between myself and the temptation to give up is something I can’t win by my own power. 

God is asking me to take care of the kids. I won’t be able to fulfill that if I surrender to the invitation of self satisfaction of breaking free. 

My hands are needed to work on God’s mission in my life. Even sometimes my hands are hurt, swelling, feels like resting. But I can’t stop. I need to go on. 

The work that God wants me to do, doesn’t have to stop just because temptation of giving up comes knocking over and over again. 

Freedom is something I’ve been wanting so desperately. But my children needs me more than anything else in this world. It’s the reason I exist. It’s why God created me in the first place. 

Though freedom can really really really bring happiness to my life again, the happiness of my children is the core essence of myself. 

I will continue to work while I battle coz “Now God, strengthen my hands”. 

Posted in Adulting, Christianity, Daily Prompt, Parenting, Thoughts

I’m JUST a stay at home mom!ย 

Last night at church, waiting for Abe on his teens ministry. He specifically asked me to change his tutor schedule so he can join the teens ministry. Who am I not to accommodate his ministry request? 

So I reschedule his tutor class. Sent him by my Mio. I intentionally not using our car so we can save on gas. 

The church is about 10km from our house and we were showered in rain coming home last night. I was soaked. But not Abe, coz I covered him well. Always give the best to our kids right ๐Ÿ˜Š 

The church admin recognized me and we chat. She said that I am patient enough to send the kids to church. My church schedule is Monday for keyboard, Thursday for teens ministry, Saturday for drum, Sunday for church and drum, and twice a month for worshipper ministry. 

Not to mention the kids school schedule, extracurricular, sport, and tutor. Of course, those errands is not included in house chores. I was not this busy even when I was working plus I had extra income ๐Ÿ˜œ . 

So I should say, stay at home mom shouldn’t be taken lightly ๐Ÿ˜‰