Posted in Adulting, Christianity, Daily Prompt, Parenting, Thoughts

The Temptation

I have some bitterness in my heart. Have to struggle with it every single day. Facing it every single second. 

So many times I want to give up to the temptation of anger. Just wanted to let everything out. Making a scene. Saying things that I’ve been keeping for so many years, for the sake of peace. 

The peace I’ve been trying to keep, starting to burst. The wall I’ve been trying to build, starting to crumble. The war between myself and the temptation to give up is something I can’t win by my own power. 

God is asking me to take care of the kids. I won’t be able to fulfill that if I surrender to the invitation of self satisfaction of breaking free. 

My hands are needed to work on God’s mission in my life. Even sometimes my hands are hurt, swelling, feels like resting. But I can’t stop. I need to go on. 

The work that God wants me to do, doesn’t have to stop just because temptation of giving up comes knocking over and over again. 

Freedom is something I’ve been wanting so desperately. But my children needs me more than anything else in this world. It’s the reason I exist. It’s why God created me in the first place. 

Though freedom can really really really bring happiness to my life again, the happiness of my children is the core essence of myself. 

I will continue to work while I battle coz “Now God, strengthen my hands”. 

Posted in Adulting, Christianity, Daily Prompt, Parenting, Thoughts

I’m JUST a stay at home mom!Β 

Last night at church, waiting for Abe on his teens ministry. He specifically asked me to change his tutor schedule so he can join the teens ministry. Who am I not to accommodate his ministry request? 

So I reschedule his tutor class. Sent him by my Mio. I intentionally not using our car so we can save on gas. 

The church is about 10km from our house and we were showered in rain coming home last night. I was soaked. But not Abe, coz I covered him well. Always give the best to our kids right 😊 

The church admin recognized me and we chat. She said that I am patient enough to send the kids to church. My church schedule is Monday for keyboard, Thursday for teens ministry, Saturday for drum, Sunday for church and drum, and twice a month for worshipper ministry. 

Not to mention the kids school schedule, extracurricular, sport, and tutor. Of course, those errands is not included in house chores. I was not this busy even when I was working plus I had extra income 😜 . 

So I should say, stay at home mom shouldn’t be taken lightly πŸ˜‰ 

Posted in Adulting, Christianity, Daily Prompt, Parenting, Thoughts

Not a model

Sometimes I feel like a failure for unable to give the right model to my kids. How I wish I can be their mirror and see the best side of them. To encourage them to be what’s best. 

They might see me like a nagging mother, telling them what to do and not do. Reminding them to do their chores, homework, school assignments, to go to church, to Sunday school, to be kind, to be responsible, to be respectful, to be disciplined, to be grateful, to build good habits, to get rid any kind of laziness, and so many else, all the time, again and again. 

Many times, my mouth feels literally tired for ‘talking’. But I have to do it. I need to build their mentality, coz they don’t have a model. The model to shape their personalities. 

They need to be what men gotta be, how God wants them. I want one day, when I send my boys to build their own family, I can proudly see that he becomes the men of honor, the men of the house, the men that can be a model to their children, the men who respect the word of love, the men that understand the essence of marriage in the name of God. 

I’m just an ordinary mom, far away from any saint’s criteria, and not trying to be an angel. I’m just an ordinary mom, trying so hard to be a mother. How motherhood can brings out any ‘Wonder Woman’ side of us 😊 

Posted in Daily Prompt, Parenting, Thoughts, What happened?

I’m a bad mom!Β 

As much as I love my kids, I love them too. After about 10-15 hours with my children everyday, cleaning the house, cooking, chauffeur-ing, taking care of business. I’d love to have time watching Grey’s Anatomy just for 2 episodes (2 hours out of hundreds hours I spend with the kids) once a week. 

What is so wrong in having a time, watching my favorite TV show? Can I skip just one night sending the kids to bed, just a good night kiss instead of spending 20-30 minutes reading Bible, looking for mosquitoes, telling stories, and other before bed routines? 

Would I be a bad mother for choosing Grey’s Anatomy over my kids for 2 hours? 

Would I be a bad mother wanting a time to watch TV? 

Would I? 

Posted in Adulting, Christianity, Daily Prompt, Parenting, Thoughts

Should I be worry?Β 

My old self wouldn’t be thanking God for giving me this financial crisis, where I’m bearly afford anything. But you know what… I’m finding my new self in this ashes of crumbling life of mine. 

I thought that I wouldn’t survive another crash, couldn’t bear any more pain, couldn’t stay any longer and try to be tougher. I do. I am doing it. Not easy, it’s super hard, but I’m gonna do it. This too shall pass. 

My old self would be worrying about anything now, everything. I would be devastated for not being able to shop for clothes, to not sit in a restaurant with my friends eating expensive food, to not do anything I want that would surely cost me some money, to not go somewhere and have a nice vacation. 

Now, I’m in my 5th day on my ‘no spend’ week and I’m not dying, I’m still alive. I survive. 

Now, I see what’s more important in life. Not the clothes I wear, not the food I eat, not all the blinking sparkling life I tried to showed off to people. 

I know now, that God is more interested in the ministry I do while I’m wearing my clothes, even if its a cheap clothes. God is more concerned with what I’m gonna do with the energy the food gives me, even if its just ‘a low end’ kinda food. God is a lot more invested in what I’m going to do when I’m somewhere, even if I’m only going to school for my kids everyday and not spending time at the mall or vacationing at one part of Indonesia. 

Instead of worrying about unimportant things, I know that God has something better for me to do, besides worrying my life. I think I’m gonna maintain this lifestyle and I’m bringing my kids along with me in this journey πŸ™

Posted in Adulting, Christianity, Daily Prompt, Parenting, Thoughts

I found him!Β 

I am running out of Joel Osteen’s videos on YouTube. Searching for another preach and I found him. 

I often watch Joel’s with the kids and I showed them Jon’s, they prefer Jon’s. Maybe coz he’s young and send the message in a more ‘fun’ way. The kids accept it well. Of course I choose what subject to give my kids base on their need in their age, and Jon covers almost everything. And his sermons are mostly short so the kids won’t get bored. 

After they watch it, I add a little more explanation to their questions regarding the sermon. Well, I’m not a Bible expert, don’t even know how to find a verse fastly, but I sure know how to explain a bit or two about being a human according to how God wants us to be. And I always relate the verses and sermons to their/our life. 

I’m still learning and I’m bringing my kids long πŸ˜‰ 

Posted in Adulting, Christianity, Daily Prompt, Parenting, Thoughts

Recognizing Your Value

I was having a struggle. Every year, I bought new books for my kids, never thought of getting a passed on books, and never thinking of buying them outside the school (school books are more expensive). 

I was trying to give the best for my kids, not gonna let them feel embarrassed for using a passed on books. I wanted them to have a good value in front of their friends. And that is misleading. 

Now, God has introduced me to a whole new level of life and self worth. My value (and the kid’s) is not determined by how much money I have, what brand I wear, or on what people’s opinion about me. 

My value is solely determined on the fact that I am the child of God. Yes I am forced (by our financial condition) to thrift the kid’s books, asking for a passed on books from all the people I know, having a hassle trying to clean up notes written all over the books, making them as good as possible for my kids to use, went to another book store coz they give 15% off the price but I have to go there everyday to check on their availability, and almost every time I went home with no books coz it’s still unavailable. 

The kids are asking, they wanted to have the books like the rest of their friends, but I need to tell them to be patient and be grateful for what we have. Abe even offered me to buy the book from his money (got it from his uncles and aunts for his birthday), I told him no, I’m good, I just need more time and wait for the book store to stock on them. 

This verse really got me. 

I was living a life trying to impress other people, trying to make myself valuable, trying to enhance my self worth. 

Well… I don’t need to. I am created, anointed, approved, by my creator who breathed life in me. 

Think of me as you like but I don’t need to do anything to proof people my value, let alone people’s approval. 

We belong to God. We are the child of Most High God! Don’t let people discounted your value! 

Posted in Adulting, Christianity, Daily Prompt, Parenting, Thoughts, What happened?

Faithful In The Process

Starting a blank page at the church while waiting for Abe on his worshipper class. 

Monday the kids are going back to school, meaning I’ll be busy hustling around, busting my ass, trying to do everything in such little amount of time. 

Between house chores, cooking, VA works, online shop, blogging, school, music class, tutor class, extracurricular, for both kids 😌 

Desperately need to plan my days or I’ll be running around like a chicken without its head 😨 I sure don’t wanna loose my head 😜 

Sometimes I just wanted to go back working, leave everything taken care by a helper like the way it used to be, less headache for me, and we really need the extra income. 

But I really don’t have the heart to do it. So many many times I go back and forth about it. 

The Bible said, we must listen to our inner ear, coz God speaks to it. Follow your heart, we say. 

So I’ll just play along with life, with what God plans for me, coz sure His plans are far way better for me πŸ™ 

Posted in Adulting, Christianity, Daily Prompt, Parenting, Thoughts, Writings

Turning Point

I’m not in a state to tell you don’t and do thingy. It’s just something I do and think on how to turn my life from having the victim mentality into someone who wanted to put a stop to a disadvantage in life. 

I used to be someone who looked at everything at its worst and I dwell on it, thinking heavily about it, stressing over it, being a paranoid, afraid of being hurt, and I stayed in that point for a very long time. 

I used to be someone who made a mistake and thinking that it was my turning point. That I destined to be like that. That it was my fate. Live in the mistake. There’s no point in fixing me. I was already broken. 

I was in the victim mentality. 

Then I got older, wiser, and I see clearer. I put a stop to it. All those victim things didn’t make me a better person. Instead, I was living a life that’s full of negativity and ungratefulness. Everything seemed to be setting me up as a victim with zero chance of winning. 

I put a stop at my bad habits. I put a stop at my stubbornness. I put a stop at my cockiness. I humble myself to learn from others. I try to keep doing my best even if I don’t get recognized. I control myself. I’m adulting every single day. 

Yes, I do sometimes disappointed by the lack of recognition of all the hard work I do. I got anxious when I’m not being noticed. I got upset when I feel that I’m alone in this. I feel that I’m empty in this fullness. 

Yes, I got overwhelmed by all the mess in my life. Trying to do everything in my limitations. Fighting for everything that needed to be fixed in this jungle of uncertainty. Facing my biggest enemy yet a huge deal to face with. 

Trying to be understood by not sending the wrong message of war. Keeping the peace is always the hardest thing to do. I’m always standing on a thin ice who could’ve break at a tiny single move. 

All of those things are jumbling inside my head. My heart gets easily broken. I’m fixing myself at every moment of my life. I want to be better. I refuse to be someone who I hated so much. I’m not gonna get comfortable to my disadvantages. I’m not gonna be a victim. I will work hard to achieve what I deserve. I’m not giving up to laziness. Certainly not surrendering to any addictions, who would eat me alive and make me a useless person. 

I’m gonna be the role model for my children. They’ll know how to live their life at their best. Honoring God and receiving their blessings. 

How you start is not important. How you finish is all that matters. 

It is not how live in the past. It’s how you live in the present.

Posted in Adulting, Hacks, How To, Parenting, Thoughts, What happened?

Surviving Summer

Finally got the kid’s​ summer chores and routines done! 

School holiday is not my favorite​ 😰 Aside from having the house cluttered with toys and dirty dishes all day, I also need to keep them bored free and that’s a real challenge with kids since they’re tired proof creatures 😨 

Might as well add their daily chores during holiday πŸ˜…

Kid’s summer schedule 😎 My kids needs schedule or they’ll be playing games non-stop 😧 Some people might think that I’m raising military children, well I have my way of raising my kids and that’s with schedule, it works for them. 

I’ve seen people with no life discipline, they’ve become less responsible and lack of empathy. With schedule, kids will learn that time is precious, they need to spend their time wisely and useful for them and society. 

My kids or maybe most of the kids, needs guidance of what they should do. When they wake up in the morning, they tend to start playing with their gadgets or watching TV or they’ll be a nagging complaining children screaming that they’re bored all summer 😣 Coz that’s what the children’s​ mindset of happiness nowadays, gadgets and online games unless we guide them (tell them what to do) πŸ˜ͺ 

I’m raising a responsible unselfish children, pray to God πŸ™ They need to understand that life isn’t going to wait for their unconscious lazy bum, thinking that life is going to adapt to their way of living, not caring about others in their circle of life. 

School holiday is definitely not my favorite, it’s theirs, but we’ll gonna make it work and have a peaceful fun holiday πŸ˜‰ 

What’s your stress free summer tips? Love to hear from you πŸ˜‰