Posted in Adulting, Christianity, Daily Prompt, Thoughts, What happened?, Writings

A Journey Of Finding A Church | Christianity | Spiritual Journey

I’ve been obligated to have a religion that will be my spiritual identity, since I was born. Maybe we all are ‘obligated’ in some ways.

I have learned some religions in order to find my religious identity and it’s not easy. You got judgments and doubts and thoughts and even I was in the state of doubting myself.

But I never, ever, has doubted God. The creator of the universe and me. I am more of a spiritual person than a religious one. I find that religions are ‘more human’ than God itself. Religion makes people ‘holy’ and selfish.

Disclaimer : It’s my own opinion that is not intended to offense anybody.

But… As we live in the world of boxes, somehow we need to fit in to one of those boxes. So do I and my children.

I’ve been raised in a Catholic family and been a Catholic for so many years but then after I got married, my husband introduced me to Christianity.

Again I have some thoughts, doubts, questions, and disagreement over the religion. But I tried to oblige and observance in the same time. Not a religious material to do right?

I’ve been going to the same church for years and I didn’t feel peace. Life went on and I went along.

Then I moved to another town and found the church (the same one at the last town) and I brought myself and the kids to that church. I thought that if I go to a different ‘branch’, there’s some different, but I was wrong. It’s the same, so I still had my old feelings.

I felt that I was in a state of lying to myself and God. Like a hypocrite. Even my kids didn’t want to go to their Sunday School. Coz they’re feeling the same as I felt. Some uncomfortable feelings.

For some times, we stopped going to church. I felt like I was a bad mom, not fulfilling my job in giving my kid’s soul needs. I want my children to have a consciousness of having God. The One that control the universe. The One that giving them mercy and love. The One that over power the whole world.

Then one day, my prayers was answered. A friend of my mom came visiting one day and the conversation was led to me not going to church and when she goes. So she informed me where the church is and the time of Sunday service.

Sunday came. I was driving my car and literally in a junction. Turn right to the old church or turn left to the new church. I was debating with myself and finally turn my wheel to the left. As I was driving, I already felt some hope but again debating whether I was to send the kids straight to the Sunday School classes or letting them in the service with me.

I was at the church, parking my car, walking in, and the classes was already began. I asked the kids (hoping) if they wanted to go to the classes. And they went in without any fuss. They were just saying bye and went in. It was a relief. They didn’t know anybody coz we’re new in town and it’s our first time in the church.

I went up to the service, found myself a seat, and joined in. The church isn’t as big as my old one was. The people is more humble and I felt welcomed. Unlike the rich people in my old church, that were not seemed aware of each others, even careless. Being alone and don’t feel belong to is not the feeling we’re supposed to be getting from a church. But here, in this new church, on my first time, I already felt like a family.

And more to my surprise, the focus of the church was not getting as much money as possible (which is the focus of the old church) but getting as much souls (to believes in Jesus as saviour) as possible. I felt rejoice and yes they’re getting a new soul. Mine and my kid’s.

Now, we don’t skip church unless one of us were sick. The kids were not as lazy as they were. Before, they were even cried if I asked them to go to church for Sunday School. Now, they got up voluntarily and always share good stories of what they learned from Sunday classes.

The kids are now joining the music ministry classes. Abe (my oldest, 12yo) is joining drum class and Al (my youngest, 9yo) is joining keyboard class. For FREE!!! At my old church everything was monetized, including giving our self to serve God, we need to pay.

I thank God for sending me someone who informed me of this church. I thank God for giving me a second chance to find Him. I thank God for letting my children to serve Him. I thank God that I am more in love with Him through this church.

The pastor of this church is always emphasizing on getting more souls not in a way of dragging them from other church to go into this church. He is always saying that we need to save new souls so more people knows and believes on Jesus Christ. He has strong disagreement on moving other Christians from one church to another church.

Well, I disagree with him. I know for myself that not every Christian that are already in a church have their souls on God. I know for sure that not every Christian goes to church every Sunday out of their faith on Jesus. Coz I know, I’ve been going just wanted to fit in the box. So that I have a religion identity.

The church is supposed to change our old self into our new that believes and surrender only to Jesus Christ, reflecting Jesus in our everyday life. And if after so many years, one don’t feel any will power to change their old self, to be more like Jesus rather than the world. Then I say, find another church coz they obviously needs to be saved, like I am saved.

Posted in Adulting, Daily Prompt, Parenting, Thoughts

Mom Confessions | Mom Life | Motherhood | Dessy’s Days

I’m a mom of two beautiful boys. As much as I love my boys, as an SAHM, I have some confessions to make πŸ™‡β€β™€οΈ

  1. I send the kids to school with my pajama and no bra. Well, I change my shorts into yoga pants, wear an oversize jacket to hide some inappropriate scene for the moms to talk about, brush my teeth, wash my face, a sandal, and put my sunglasses on. That’s it. In the morning I focus only on the boys and kinda care less about myself. As long as I got their breakfast, lunch bag ready, and they’re not late for school, that’s all I care about.
  2. Sometimes my kids wear wrong uniforms and I force them to face ‘the humiliation’ coz I’m not going back home and get the uniform. Well that happens about 3 times a semester, so I’m not gonna exaggerate it.
  3. I’m a very impatient mom. I often cut my kid’s sentences. I says “QUICK” hundreds of time every 5 minutes. I want my kids to be fast like me. I talk fast (I’m a straight forward person, I don’t play with words to get to my point). I move fast (move means doing everything from chores, work, etc). But then I know, I have to realize (at some points I forgot to) that my kids are not me. I have to respect who they are and try to calm myself.
  4. I’m happy when they’re at school and when they’re asleep. I finally can have moments for myself and enjoying the quietness of my life. Finally. Even that I don’t get to sit and watch TV or do some lazy time (coz I always be doing my chores or works), I enjoy some alone time.
  5. Sometimes I ignore my kids coz I’ve had enough “mom mom mom mom” of the day. If you have kids, it’s like a broken records playing the moms part again and again and again, like constantly, nonstop. Mom, I’m hungry. Mom, do you see my book?. Mom, I want some snacks. Mom, can I pee in your toilet? Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Aaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!
  6. I do ‘pooping lies’. Toilet is my sanctuary. That’s the ONLY place where I can runaway from the kids. I read a book, watch YouTube, writes, or just sitting and breathing. Grateful that I can still survive those cute little monsters that I love so much (ironic).
  7. Sometimes I forced my kids to take a nap (when they have time) because I wanted a nap. I became a troll when they refused to have naps. Come on kids!!! What’s not to like about taking a nap??? Seriously!!!
  8. When I’m too lazy too cook, I just give them junk food. Sorry kids… The chef is taking an off day. And frankly, the kids love junk food more than they love my cooks, so it’s a win win.
  9. I thought of going back to work full time just because I miss having a social life. I miss having lunch and chit chat with people not my kids and hubby. But I never have the heart to do it. I’ve been a stay at home mom for 7 years now, been sending resumes, been to interviews, but I always stop right at that point. Getting a job offers and went to interviews bring me satisfaction or somehow makes me feel that I’m not just a stay at home mom. I still have values. I still get recognized. You know, we as stay at home mom, often feel left behind and got undervalued just because we’re not a sassy beautiful dressed up career woman. But WE ARE! WE ARE A SASSY BEAUTIFUL STAY AT HOME MOMS!
  10. I asked my boys to help clean the house and have full responsibility of their room because I told them it’s their life skills. Which is true. But one of the reason is that I refused to do the house chores all by myself. We live together in this house people! Get your ass off that couch and start cleaning!!!

Being a mom is hard work. Being a stay at home mom is even harder. I used to be judging moms that have a melt down kids at a restaurant. I make comments on moms who complains about their kids. And so many ‘negative mom attitude’ towards their kids.

Let me tell you something. You need to be with them full time to understand how it is to be a stay at home mom. I literally stop judging when I started this stay at home mom thing as my full day job 7 years ago.

Bonus : I don’t let my kids to be independent. I don’t let them going to school alone and the school is just 10 minutes away by bike. I don’t let them go hang out with their friends without me. Where ever they go, there will be me. Even to my teen boy. I know that I embarrass him and I don’t care. I will be their taxi even till the day I send them to their office for work hahaha

No judging πŸ₯‚

We are all have our success and mistakes. We all are having a different stories. We are all having different priorities. We are all doing our best with what we have.

There are no wrongs or rights. We are all good moms. Be proud of yourself. When things are hard, know that you’re doing your best, give a pad on your back, pray to Heavenly Father to give you the strength you need. Then carry on.

Sending you all a huge love from one mom to another ❀

Posted in Adulting, Christianity, Daily Prompt, Thoughts, Writings

I will bloom where I am!

It’s so easy to fall into disappointments when we’re in a place that we thought we don’t belong to. We thought that this is not what I’m supposed to be doing, not what you wanted to do in life, not what you want to be.

Especially when you feel discouraged, underrated, undervalued, misunderstood, and all the wrongs we could’ve think of… We just thought that it isn’t fair. What have I done to be in such a miserable place?

I fall into this trap sometimes (well… often times), where I just couldn’t see any good in anything. I would’ve gone back thinking about the past, what I would’ve been doing right now instead of this, today.

I was so happy with my life, no burden, singing a lot, partying a lot, was having the best careers in my young life. Then suddenly I had to gave it up into something that I didn’t even want at that time. Not even thought about it. Not even in my plans.

Then I fell into the darkness of depression (again). Blaming myself, blaming my mom, blaming everybody, blaming God. Nothing was good at that time. I just wanted it to be over and I got back into my old happy self.

But that’s not how life is. Life goes on whether you wanted it to be the way you wanted or not. And I moved along with it. At good times, I can see why it happened, and start seeing everything fall into place like it supposed to be. But in hard times, I regret things A LOT. Wish that I could’ve done differently.

When I see my life in a way that how I didn’t want it, I kinda say that God makes mistakes or God is punishing me. Hard to see the good in anything when you don’t believe that God controls the universe.

God is in everything you do, every person you meet, every opportunity, closed doors, open doors, happiness, sadness, lost, EVERYTHING. There’s no such thing as luck or coincidence.

Yes we make our own choices and sometimes we don’t make a good one, but God has SO MANY OTHER WAYS to get you back on course. Coz He loves us. And in the journey of you coming back is often times a bumpy jumpy road.

That’s when we started to struggle then we started to complain and worries about things. And I worry a lot. My brain works like a roller coaster. Riding on a roller coaster might be fun for once but when you have to live on it, you puked a lot. You got sick and tired of rolling around passing the same road over and over again that you couldn’t even have control over it.

But this is how I overcome my ‘sickness’. When my head is straight, I’ve no problems seeing what’s good in my life. But when it’s not, I make sure that I have it straight by reading devotional, bible journaling, writes gratitude, read motivational and inspirational books, watch self helps videos on YouTube, etc.

If I don’t do it for myself, no one is going to do it for me. I need to stand up for myself and get everything good (in my perspective) so I can see and understand what God wants in my life.

God loves me. God wants me to reach the fullness of my destiny and I know that it’s good. God knows what I need and He will provide. God is going to smooth my journey, put everyone in place, and things will be lighter and simpler.

I just need to do my best, bloom where I am at, keep honoring God and put Him first. And I believe there’s going to be a supernatural Grace, a favor that lightens the load and takes the pressure off coz God is good.


Posted in Adulting, Daily Prompt, How To, Thoughts, What happened?

How To Survive Mental Sickness

I have heard people decided to took their own life in the past 6 months. From a celebrity to recently a young mom who jumped from 10th floor early in the morning, leaving her 8 months old baby and a confused husband.

When I google the word ‘ibu muda bunuh diri’ meaning ‘young mom suicide’, I found a very sad news that there are many others from different ages and backgrounds. So many that it breaks my heart that I cried.

I am deeply sorry for what they’ve been through. I know what they felt. I know a suicidal feeling. The urge of killing yourself. The thought that death is the only way out. The loneliness. The sickness. The pain. ‘Normal’ people couldn’t understand how we feels. It’s exclusive for us who have mental sickness.

Is it stress? Depression? We all have stress, depression, life is not all rainbow and unicorn, we don’t even think of ending our lives. Yes, it is easier said than done. For us with mental sickness, what seems small to you is like a giant crushing our whole world. What is normal to you is extraordinary for us.

When you don’t meet certain expectations, you have the spirit to move on, start over again. We don’t. When we don’t find things as we expect them to be, we started to feel suffocated, drowned in our disappointments. Unable to see any good side of any of whatever it is. We’ll be stuck in our zone. Some of us got lucky and got out from the zone, some of us don’t survive the zone.

I don’t talk about surveys or studies about suicidal mothers, but I’m just gonna share what I’ve been through. That I know how it feels. And I’m still trying to survive.

I had the 1st suicidal thought when I was at elementary school, then at high school, then at college, then once when I’ve had my 1st baby. I’m still alive though, am I cured?

I don’t think mental sickness has cures. You can get therapy after therapy with pills (so many pills) that are intended to bring you to the stage of calmness and to make you sleep (a lot of sleeps). Does it help? Yes, for short period of time. What’s next? More therapy and more pills.

Did I ever go to a psychiatrist? I did. Did it help? Yes, for short period of time. Then what? I stopped seeing him and I therapy myself. Meaning? I self taught myself to ease my mental sickness.

This are some tips for you that I find it works for me:

1.Go Away!

I decided to go far away from my family. I was living with my aunt and her family, occasionally visit my mom. Years after years, I’ve tried to overcome my issues, but it didn’t work. When I was in college, I found myself worsen. Then I had the urge to go away from them, from the family who suffocated me. Somewhere far away, away from their reach.

Once I had the thought of leaving, it’s like the urge to kill myself never came to visit. My focus had shifted. Then I planned my leave. I went to other island, still part of Indonesia, alone, no friends nor family. I was an alien deserted in a land of strangers.

Almost got sold to a brothel house, got robbed, met some friends, met some love, met some enemies, had the live of my life. I had a new life.

2. Change your focus

As I mentioned above, when I changed my focus into something else, the urge of killing myself was gone (or at least were sleeping).

When you’re in a new environment you have new perspectives, new experiences, new challenges, new spirit, new life. And you’ll find yourself excited again, live again, you become new you.

I was busy surviving in the island, busy finding a job, busy applying to a job, busy living my new life.

3. Plan

I didn’t know that I have to plan my life in order to have a healthy mindset. Planning means, I need to know what I’m doing with this life I have. Not just ‘go with the flow’ mindset which will make my life jumbled up in a mess again. When you have mental sickness, you don’t wanna go near any kind of mess.

I did a lot of thinking about what I want in my life. I wrote it down, made my plans, and I executed them, one by one. Small steps along the way.

And you know what? I achieved every single thing I wanted. I got the job that I dreamed of since I was a little girl. I got to do what I like to do, made money over my talent, which is singing.

Like I said, I had a new life. I lived a new world.

4. Enjoy the process

Was I had a beautiful rainbow life? Of course not, things happened. Bad things happened. But I was already in a stage of developing myself into a new me, and I like the new me. For the first time in my life, I have the confident to live a life as me.

Some people still didn’t like me, didn’t find me beautiful, didn’t like my voice, didn’t like what I did, just like it was (my sick old self). But the different was, I was already finding myself, knowing myself, acknowledge myself, loving myself. And I was so selfish that I want to keep the new me that I didn’t find any of those issues bothered me. Not at all.

I enjoyed every single process of my new life.

5. Empty out the negative

Make room for good things. Don’t let negativity sour your life again. Give no place to negativity. Don’t hang around people feeding you the negativity. Let go what didn’t work out. Don’t associate with the wrong people.

I resigned from my jobs when I found that it was not a healthy environment for me anymore. I quit 4 jobs when I finally got married and back in Jakarta. I was able to measure myself on how much I could take. I made the decision to stay away from negativity as much as I can.

Surround yourself with positive people. You need good real friends/partner/spouse so that you can share and tell them freely what’s bothering you. A free judgmental people who can give you all the support you need and all ears to everything you want to share with them.

6. Peace with yourself

Give yourself a break. Don’t go your life being against yourself. Your time is too valuable to sit around dwelling on your flaws & lackness. There will be time of struggle, pressure, difficulties. Don’t get discouraged. That’s not permanent.

Just like you thought you were stuck in the zone, but you did get out and survive right? This too shall pass.

7. Everyday find a reason to laugh

I love music. My all time favorite activities are singing and dancing. So I did. I was lucky to have the opportunity to work in a hotel and as a Sales & Marketing, I got the freedom to have an entertainment sessions with my guests. I went to a club, a pub, a discotheque, and went karaoke with my friends (many many times).

I had a blast every time I spent time singing and dancing. I had a good laugh talking with my guests and share jokes with my friends. No matter what, every single day, find a reason to laugh. When I wasn’t going out, I spent my time in my room watching Friends.

They’re my go to series whenever I was alone. If you haven’t watched them, go find the CD, you can thank me later πŸ˜€

8. Find your guidance

Whether it’s your religion or your belief. Find a guidance that can walk you through the journey of your self development.

I’m a Christian. I read bible or devotion or sermon videos that you can search online. Dedicate a time for you to have a quite moment and be grateful. Build your faith that you don’t easily got swayed by the wind of self destruction.

9. Accept who you are

“I have mental sickness and I’m aware of it”. Once you accept who you are, you get the power to control you. You recognized yourself and can have some sort of clear thinking on what you have to do or how to react on any circumstances you are in.

Sometimes the problem of not understanding what you want in life is the denial. You know that you need to let go of the past, yet you’re still clinging on it coz you feel that it doesn’t even bother you anymore yet you’re still blaming yourself for what happened in the past.

10. Love yourself

Go buy that foundation you want coz you want to have a flawless make up. Sleep in and get up at noon coz you deserve it after a long hour at work. Make efforts to love yourself.

Nothing is more rewarding than to self fulfilled yourself so you can feel good about yourself then you can fall in love with yourself and when you love yourself, death is not so tempting anymore coz you love you and you love your life.

Those are what I did (do) to help myself out of the ‘killing myself zone’. I hope it can help you realized that you’re not in this alone. Nobody is alone in this world. Not even you. And this too shall pass. Nothing in this world is permanent, not even us.

We only have one life to live. That life is given by God, our Creator. Only He has the right to give and take our lives. Be patient. Do your best while you’re still alive in this world even sometimes it sucks, but don’t rush your death. It will come to you eventually.

See things from a different angle. Adjust your sits so you can get the best view.

Look around. Be empathetic. Don’t ignore the signs. Share your pain and success. You might save a life.

Posted in Adulting, Beauty, Budgeting, Christianity, Daily Prompt

15 Favorite YouTube Channels


Welcome back and if you’re new here, please subscribe if you haven’t already, I’d love to have you join my blog family πŸ™‚

Today I’m gonna share my favorite YouTube channels that I watch every single day. I was writing a list of 10 channels then I realized, some of my fav are not in the list 😦

Well… Let’s make it 15 then! Why not? The more the merrier right πŸ˜€

I love watching YouTube videos. It literally replaces the function of TV in my life. I watch YouTube while washing dishes, ironing, cooking, I listen (yes listen) to YouTube while doing my chores & routines, and I watches YouTube while pooping *awkward

Now let me share with you what I watch everyday… Not in particular order :

1.Dave Ramsey

The father of financial freedom. Does anybody call him like that? No? Well… He is to me. He is straight forward, honest, and he lives by the Bible. And he hates stupid people, especially when they’re being stupid towards money.

He is teaching me how to be an adult in terms of handling money, that is approved by God. He hates debts, as I do. He is giving me the motivation to get out of debts. As much as I hate being in debt, I (forced to) jumped (and dive straight) into it.

Watch his latest video You CAN Take Control Of Your Money!

2.She’s In Her Apron

Kimmy is a fun woman, kindhearted, care about others, and she’s a good mom. I love watching her vlogs. She’s down to earth and honest about her life.

Watching her is like having a friend that supports you to be the best version of you. One thing I ‘envy’ from her life, she can enjoy her life. She gets to have girls night out and she has a wonderful loving husband. I love seeing them together.

Watch her latest video Dinners & Change | Housewife Life

3.TED Talks

It is a channel that have videos of people sharing inspirations, motivations, ideas, innovations, breakthrough, literary every topic and every successful names you have in mind, TED Talks have it.

Watch their latest video What makes something go viral? | Dao Nguyen

4.Joel Osteen

I watch it every morning. I dedicated 30-45 minutes every morning to do my Bible journaling, devotion, Bible reading, and I watch him.

He is the most positive person I’ve ever known and he’s a pastor/father/minister, anything you want to call him. I need his preach every morning to set myself in the right attitude, mind, behavior, anything positive.

His preach is God centered preach and I need that in my life. I need to be reminded that everything comes from God.

Watch his latest message Pit Praisers – Joel Osteen

5.Vasseur Beauty

She’s gorgeous, down to earth, funny, cute, creative. I love her organization videos. I watch each of her video till the end, coz at the end Ryan (her husband) will definitely make you laugh.

Watch her latest video 10 HEALTHY HABITS TO SLAY 2018!

6.Kalyn Nicholson

She’s pretty, fun, and she motivates and inspires me to be a better me. Her contents are worth watching.

Watch her latest video CAPRICORN | Chit Chat Get Ready With Me

7.Do It On A Dime

Catherine is a lovable person. She’s very creative in organization and she will give you ideas on how to do it without spending big amount of money.

She have 2 cute boys that I think are gonna be the next big hit on YouTube πŸ˜€

Watch her latest video NEW! DOLLAR TREE SHOP WITH ME & HAUL! πŸ’Ÿ Valentine’s, Quick DIYs, Organization 2018

8.Pick Up Limes

She is the kind of princess in my mind. The way she speaks, make you hooked to her. She’s calm, pretty, positive minded person. I love listening to her. Yes, her videos is the kind that you can move around and be productive while you listen to her. Her voice can even make you want to start meditating. Her voice is soothing.

Watch her latest video ACHIEVING YOUR GOALS Β» simple & effective approach

9.Sugar Mamma

She is a fierce woman. She’s one of the YouTuber that I listen to. She’s so passionate about finance and investments. The way she talk, you can see that she’s genuinely excited about her topics. I get fired up whenever I watch and listen to her motivating videos.

Watch her latest video Your Fabulous Financial Goals for 2018 || SugarMamma.TV

10.Happily A Housewife

Samantha is posting weekly vlogs and lifestyle. I like her coz she’s honest about her videos and she’s okay with being her. Her schedule is madness (actually similar like mine) but she enjoys her life.


11.Marnie Goldberg

She’s pretty and very stylish. She’s not into organization or normal mom life videos like most of videos I watch, but I like her. I like her style and her family. I enjoy her vlogs more than her other contents (beauty/lifestyle).

Watch her latest video 2017 Lifestyle Favorites | MsGoldgirl


She’s motivating and inspiring. Her contents are all about self development and live a better life. I love her contents and (again) I listen to her video. Just like a podcast or audio book πŸ˜€

Watch her latest video Writing your Own Personal Commandments – Book Club for Babes

13.Our Life On A Budget

She’s honest and passionate about budgeting. As someone whose on a debt free journey, I listen to people who already (or in the journey) winning over their debts. And she’s one of many.

Watch her latest video First Grocery Haul and Meal Plan for 2018

14.Lydia Senn

I found her channel when I was searching for Virtual Assistant videos and hers came up. But lately, she’s more focus on finance videos, but I still love her. She’s cute and honest. Her advice is doable and often related to me.

Watch her latest video 18 money mistakes to stop making in 2018

15.Pennies Into Pearls

She’s chatty and her personality brings me joy πŸ˜€

She’s giving real numbers from her personal budgeting. She’s into frugal lifestyle. I love her.

Watch her latest video 11 Tips to Instantly Increase Your Success When Talking About Money With Your Spouse

Give shout out to them!!!

They’re motivating and inspirational people, I love them and I think you would too.

Note : latest videos are when I’m writing this blog to schedule it live next week, so it may not be the latest by the time you’re reading it. But their videos are great, so whichever, you’ll find great contents anyway.

Share it to as many as you want so we can share the good contents that is (much) needed for us to set our foot right this year (yes, I’m still in the new year spirit).

Leave a like and tell me what is your favorite channel on YouTube in the comment section below, I might like them too πŸ™‚

Thanks for stopping by and don’t forget to subscribe if you haven’t already πŸ™‚

Posted in Adulting, Daily Prompt, Thoughts

Word Of The Year 2018 – Renew

Welcome to 2018!!!

People are busy setting their resolutions, goals, planners, and word of the year. Including me πŸ˜€

How about you?

I have never been so excited about new year. I found myself living life as it was. Whatever will be will be. Never have I ever set any goals or resolutions nor doing planners. But as I am getting older (39 this year) and I’ve been watching motivational YouTuber, listening to audiobook, reading motivational blogs, I’ve found myself left way behind.

It is not about doing what everybody else is doing. It’s about getting better. There’s no such thing as living a perfect life. We’ll be doing mistakes, having downfalls, disappointments, sadness, etc. And there’s no need to feel like a copycat or being too proud to learn from others. In my opinion, as long as it brings the best out of you, why not?

So, for wanting to rise up and being the best version of me, I’m setting a word for myself. RENEW.

Renew means (source : Google Translate)

What to renew for me?

  • Spiritually

I need to renew my relationship with God. I need to go to church every Sunday, to my local church community, read Bible, do devotional, volunteer, and I need to talk more with my Father. I lost contact with Him for quite a while and I found myself ‘left in the gutter’.

This year will be the starting point of the renewal of my spiritual journey.

  • Financially

2017 was our downfall. Yes, we built our first house. Much bigger than what we could’ve think of. Yes, we had a great life in 2017. We found ourselves loaded with money. We spent lavishly. Wasn’t aware that anything was possible to drag us back to zero. And we were (I can say) forgetting God.

And here we are, in the zero zone. We have debts. And counting solely in my freelance income. I am determined to make 2018 a better year for our finance. And hopefully, become debt free (praying so hard on this). I’m gonna focus on budgeting and saving.

  • Selfcare

I need to get back on my workout routine. I am skinny, pale, lack of energy, lack of motivation to take care of myself. I’m too busy with dragging us up from drowning, and I forget about me. I skip meals. I have less sleep and (automatically) less rest. My hair is thinner from falling out its roots, too weak to hold on my scalp (gosh). My skin is in its worse stage.

Yes, I still have to get ourselves out from ‘the gutter’, but I need to take care of myself too. I’m gonna eat healthier, intake more water, will take care of my physical appearance.

  • Motherhood

Abe (my oldest son) is a teen boy now, 13 this year. I need to be more present for him. It is the time that he needs more guidance in life. He needs a role model. He needs to be taught how to handle adulting. I need to be prepared for his questions, his demands, his curiosity. He’s in the next level of life learning. And I want to be the one that he can go to with his needs. Anything.

Al (my youngest son) is going 10 this year (November). He still have problems with writing at school. He’s a smart boy. He has good grades. It’s just that he’s not interested in writing (unlike me). He’s more of a talker (like me). I accept who he is, in terms of his writing ability. Still, I need to encourage him to write, coz that’s what the school wants from their students.

I also have to be more consistent with Al, in terms of discipline and character. He’s a bit lazy. Lack of responsibility. And hardheaded. He knows exactly what he need to do to get/achieve something, yet he wants it to be given not earned. He will complain about not getting something, but the truth is, he didn’t do anything to actually get it. For example, my rule is to do your responsibilities/obligations (homework, chores, lunch, nap, etc) first then only you can claim your reward, which is playing game on the phone or PC or watching TV. He knows that but he will drag and drag and drag, till the time is up (maybe its time to bed) then he’ll complain that he goes to bed without playing any games. Geez.


I can talk on and on about being a mother of my boys. As I post in my Instagram… I made this graphic πŸ˜€

Anybody relate to it? πŸ˜€

  • Marriage

This is soooooooooo important. We’re on the rock. I feel that I am at the edge of my tolerance. I’m having problem of forgiveness and acceptance. I can’t talk more about it other than I need to work out on this. We (me & my hub) need to work out on this.

  • Tribes

Good tribes attract good vibes. Yup, I need to reconsider and look at my tribes. If it’s not giving me any value or not supporting me to be what I’m trying to achieve in my life, I need to let them go. Not completely disconnect with them, but not exactly gonna be their close friend.

If I don’t consider them my close friends, then they can’t hurt me nor affect me.

2018 will be the step stone of new me but I will take it slow. Step by step. Little by little. Build from there.

So, what’s your word this year?

Leave a comment below, link your blog or your YouTube channel so we can all motivate each other and make ourselves accountable.

Give a like if you find this helpful and motivating. Subscribe if you haven’t already. I’d like to have you join my blog family πŸ™‚

Posted in Adulting, Daily Prompt, Thoughts, What happened?

What I Learned In 2017 – Life Is A Lesson

I was lying on my bed trying to sleep at 2am and not succeeded. My brain was going merry go round on me. I was thinking on how my life changed so much in just a year. So many things happened and give me the shock of my life, even some of them are not the first. But really, life is a lesson.

So, why not share those lessons with you, so I can get to clarify my thoughts and you can get some lessons from mine. Let’s get started.

The lessons I learned are:

1.Nothing is permanent

Things shift in a blink of an eye. One moment you were traveling without thinking of how much you spend, another moment you count every cents you have to serve food on the table just for a day. But if things can go down, things can go up too. So, if you’re having a hard time, be brave and face the days LIKE A BOSS. Do whatever you can do to survive and say “This too shall pass”.

2.Waste no time weeping

What can you get from weeping the whole time you’re in the mud? I let myself drowned in disappointment and anger and sadness and spent my time counting on my lack. That I actually did nothing to better my circumstances and that was such a waste of time. You stepped on the mud? Shake it off and keep walking.

3.Appreciate people

You don’t know what they’ve been through or going through, so have more empathy. Maybe you’re living in abundance right now that you look down on people, can’t see why that person can’t do this or that and you start making comments (or even judge). Please remember, bad situation can happen to anybody, even you. So if you want to sow your seeds, start seeding good so you get to sow good.

4.Money is manageable

We have to take control of our finance. Stop ignoring money. I (we) was ignorance about our finance and just go with what was. I didn’t know how much we have and how much we spend. Money comes money goes. It was unhealthy and really put us in jeopardy.

5.Credit card is Satan

It will lure you to spend what you don’t earn and making you delusional. It gives you things that you don’t deserve (yet). Yes, you enjoy buying things and pay as you like, but you become its slave. I’m putting a stop to it and only pay cash. If I don’t have the money, that means no buy.

6.Jump on opportunity

I have no experience in what I am doing right now, but I have to be bold and showed up. When opportunity came, I jumped on it, learn as I go, and here I am making money out of inexperience. I met new people, learned new skills, and making ideas into results. Never say that you can’t. YOU CAN! As long as you have the attitude, you can do whatever you want to do. Be whatever you want to be. Stop making excuses, JUST DO IT!

7.There’s always good in everything

I can tell you, I am not in a good position to say that I’m okay (still). But I can tell you, that in my ‘not okay’ situation, I find miracle. Miracle do happens. You just need to open yourself and willing to twist your angle of seeing things, you will find yourself amazed on what goodness that has happened in your life.


I couldn’t tell you how much saving money is IMPORTANT. I am the right person who can tell you that saving your money could save your life. 13 years of marriage and we always fall into the same hell, money problem. I am 100% sure that if we would’ve saved our money, we wouldn’t be busy hating each other. I am not making the same mistake again. I need to be smarter and wiser towards money.

9.You are your best friend

I come to my realization that I am is my best friend. I’m not saying that I don’t need friends nor they mean nothing to me. But I learned that I am the one who can make things happen. If I want something, I need to do something about it. I am the one who can make the choices coz my friends are not me. They don’t live my life as I don’t live theirs. I know what I’m capable of, I understand my feelings, I know what I’m going through. My life is depends on me.

10.Stay away from negative people

For me, negative people are the people who doesn’t make me feel good. They don’t lift up my spirit. They don’t give me motivation. They don’t inspire me. I need to be strong (especially now) and I need all the encouragement I could have. If you make me feel bad about myself and or making me think that I’m such a loser, you’re out.

11.Don’t wait

Don’t wait for things to get better then you start on going to church, for example. Don’t wait on the ‘right’ job offers to start earning when you are actually need an earning (survival mode). You should actually do something to be something. Nothing could ever happen to you if you just sit around and wait for things happen to you (unless a sore bottom for sitting too long). Get up and start doing!


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12.You are what you think

Your mind determine who you are. Your thinking create your attitude. Think negative then your attitude is negative. Be sure that you only think of good great bold things so you can be good great and bold. It is all in the mind.

13.Grow up

You don’t get any younger. You don’t get to stop the time. You have no choice but to grow old. But getting older is not enough. You need to grow up. Grown up people don’t do the same mistakes. Grown up people don’t act like a child. Grown up people knows what’s good and bad, what’s right and wrong. It is not easy to grow up. Unless you can stay a kid forever, you need to knock some sense and start to grow up.

14.More effort

It’s no secret that the more effort you do, the bigger outcome you get. I was slacking on my blogging so I lost my readers. I do less posts on Instagram, I lost my followers. There’s no such thing as good luck. There’s only hard work with great results, or no work with no result. Put more effort on the things that you want to succeed on. You will see that your hard work will paid off.

15.Set your goals

I was taking it lightly. Taking my life to go as it flows. But I lack passion in anything I tried to do. Setting your goals and make a deadline on them, will actually set your mind in achieving each and every one of them. Deadline make you push yourself. Make a vision board if you’re a visual person like me. You seeing those goals everyday will get yourself prepared and ready to tackle everything. Nothing will come between you and your goals.

16.Stay positive

Surround yourself with positive people. I actually feel a lot better after church. I’m not even that religious, but I do feel positive after church. I feel humble and grateful for what I have. If I skip church, I will become a grouchy old lady, complaining about almost everything. So, find your vibes, stay with your positive tribes, do what makes you feel positive. Join a community that can actually build your positive life.

17. Love myself more

I was too focus on pleasing everybody that I forgot about myself. I was trying to fulfill everybody’s needs that I ignore my needs. I became unhappy. This is definitely still a struggle that I need to work on. I need to fulfill my needs first in order to fulfill others. I need to love myself first before I love others. I need to treat myself better. I need to stop expecting others to completes me. I am what I need.

Those are my 17 lessons that I learned in 2017. Do you relate to any of mine? I need to accept and learn from the past so I can do better next year. You should too. It will make you feel more prepared and more clear on what you’re trying to aim in 2018.

Thank you for stopping by. Leave a like and comment below on what lessons you have learned in 2017. We could always learn from each other.

Posted in Adulting, Budgeting, Daily Prompt, How To, Thoughts

25 New Year Resolutions For 2018


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2018 is around the corner. Are you ready? Have you make your preparation? Maybe this 10 Things To Do Before 2018 could give you some ideas on how you’re gonna start your new year in the right pace.

Writing 2018 resolutions is one of your preparation. I have 25 ideas that maybe you can relate to and you can put it in your list too. Let’s get started.

1.Eat healthier

Honestly, this is one of the hardest thing in my resolution list year after year. I can’t resist burgers, fried chicken, steak, oooooooh they’re so yummy. I like to eat veggies and fruits but I still can’t have them as my daily diet. You know they’ll do good for your health, so you should totally in for this.

2. Dress Up

Have you lacking on your skin care or hair care coz you’re (think) too busy? A little make up will make no harm. Spray some perfume everyday even if you’re just spending your time at home. A nicer dress or nicer blouse will boost your confidence. It’s not a matter of you’re working in an office or a stay at home mom, to dress up everyday will make you feel more proper. And it’ll make you feel good about yourself.

3. Workout

Find an exercise that suits you. Whether its a 15 minutes walk around the block, yoga, pilates, or find some exercise videos on YouTube and do it at home. You have to actively move your body and workout on that muscle. I’m not talking about body building. When you workout, you pump your blood, train your muscle, strengthen your bone, and I promise you will be more confident and feel good about your body.

4. 1 act of kindness to random strangers everyday

Maybe you yourself struggling with your own issues and you think you can’t do something to help yourself, let alone helping others. Well, you don’t have to do big. A simple help to an old lady crossing the street, give a meal to a homeless, etc. The world needs kind people. To give back to others mean you are sending good vibes around yourself.

5. Self care

Make time to do something for yourself each day. I wake up an hour early before I get the boys up, I like to be alone in the morning. Then after I send the boys to school, I make my coffee and bible journaling. It’s my me time. It’s my way to prep myself before I tackle the day. Block an hour or maybe 30 minutes just for you. Maybe you can meditate or read a book. It’s important to replenish yourself, to fulfill your needs.

6. New Skill

Make your new year more exciting by finding a new skill. Maybe you can take a photography class, calligraphy class, baking class. Anything you’re interested on and can elevate your value. Or you don’t have the budget to pay for classes? YouTube is a free class. You can find anything on YouTube. There’s no stopping you.

7. Wake up early

Some people may say “I’m not an early riser”, well… anybody can be an early riser. You just have to find your motives. Your why. By waking up early, you can set a time for yourself, then work/school, then rest. You don’t have to be rushed coz you’re running out of time to school or work. You don’t have to put your make up in the car coz you don’t have enough time. Set your alarm and don’t hit the snooze button.

8. Set a routine

Routine will make your life automatic. You don’t have to think about what to do next coz it’s your routine. Start from your morning routine. Do a simple one. In the beginning, you need to write it down in details. For example:

  • Get up at 5am
  • Make up bed
  • 5 minutes meditation/pray
  • Make coffee
  • Read 5 pages of book
  • Plan your day
  • Take shower
  • Have breakfast
  • Go to school/work

That’s it. Start from there. Then make your night routine. Do every single step and in weeks it’ll become your routine, a habit. You will be able to schedule your day in a more easy way.

9. Set up goals

Make your goals quarterly. What’s your goals for Jan-Mar, Apr-Jun, Jul-Sep, Oct-Dec. By dividing your goals, you’re most likely to achieve them rather than just listing your goals and get overwhelmed not knowing what to achieve first. And deadline will set your mind in a right track.

10. Building good habits

It’s a no brainer that good habit is good. We need good in our life right? So, what good habit you want to do in 2018?

11. Break bad habits

Yeah. In order to build your good habits, you need t break bad habits. Smoking, drinking, procrastination, bad mouth, always late, etc. Put a stop to it so you can be more focus in building your good habits.

12. Volunteer

Ask around. Look around. Google it. Find an organization or a foundation that you can be useful. Maybe your church needs a transportation to an orphans, or your neighborhood needs people to help clean an area, or it can be anything.

13. Listen to audiobook

I am so grateful that now we can listen to books. I can listen to it while I’m driving or waiting for my kids at school, literally anytime anywhere. Listen to motivational books, the one that can lift up your spirit, fire up your passion, strengthen your faith.

14. Planning

It is one important thing in your journey to success in life. You need to know your steps in your life. Get a planner and plan your life every day. You can plan your day 1st thing in the morning or at night before you go to sleep. I’m a visual person. If I don’t see it, it’ll slip my mind. That’s why I make a planner shop so I can share my passion in planning. You can stop by and leave me a comment

15. Invest in yourself

Set aside a budget to invest on yourself. Maybe to buy a new lens for your camera so you can make higher quality pictures for your blog or you can do it professionally. Maybe taking a course so you can get bigger clients for your Virtual Assistant job. Maybe buying a software to produce higher quality video for your YouTube channel.

16. Date yourself

It is important to love yourself before you love others. Set a date with yourself maybe once a month or two. Go to the mall by yourself. Sit alone eating dinner in your favorite restaurant. Go see a movie just with yourself. Spending alone time with yourself can make you see clearly about yourself.

17. Learn new skill

Time is not gonna slow down on you. Technology and demands are rapidly moving forward. You gotta step up your game. Learn new skills. Move forward together with other people. Don’t get behind. You can take courses or even learn new things from YouTube for free. Be more creative.

18. More honest

Honesty is not going to get old. The world is getting harder to live on. We need more honest people. Yes sometimes being honest could bring you nowhere. But please remember that wealth and success is not the most important thing in your life. Your relationship with God can only be improved with your honesty.

19. Financial peace

Ever think about where all your money gone after years of working nonstop? No matter how hard you work, how high your salary is, if you don’t start taking control over your finance, you will get old with no retirement money at all. You can end up homeless. You don’t want that for sure. So start budgeting now. It is hard to stick to the budget, but nothing comes easy.

20. Invest

Make sure that you set aside and budget some money to invest for a long run. Keep investing so the money will start working for you. I promise, if you start now (start small until you can budget more), your future self will thank you.

21. Try something you always wanted

Some say, don’t die not knowing. So, if you want to try something you’ve always wanted, so go and try. You want to make a blog? Go blogging. You want to start an online shop? Go selling. What’s the worst could’ve happen? As long as it doesn’t cost your life, I say it’s a go.

22. Dance more

I love music. And I love dancing. Music and dance can lift up your mood to a highest level. That’s why some people love to play music while doing their tasks.

23. Make new friends

Go to new places, join new clubs, talk to new people, make new friends. I’m not saying to get rid of your present friends, but meeting and talking to new people can broaden your knowledge and open new opportunities, and who knows you’ll find a best friend for life.

24. Listen more

I’m a talkative person. I like to talk. I love to share. But sometimes, being silent and listen can change your perspective and understand more.

25. Journaling

Write a journal every night before bed. Write down your blessing, what you do today, what makes you sad/happy today, write your gratitude. Do it every night and when end of year come, you can read it all from the beginning and you can see your progress and you can see clearly on what you want to do or want to be and build your next year resolutions.

Those are my 25 ideas, hoping that it can inspire you to start your resolutions on 2018. Thank you for stopping by, leave a like and share if you find it inspiring.

What resolution is going on your list? Leave a comment below so we can all inspire each other.

Posted in Adulting, Daily Prompt, How To, Thoughts

10 Things To Do Before 2018


I know 2018 is only several days away and these 10 things might seems a ridiculous idea, but I promise you, several days is enough for you step on the right foot on 1st January 2018.

We sure don’t wanna waste a single day on 2018 still figuring out what to do, what you want to be, what your passion is. When I believe we can start anything at anytime (doesn’t have to be new year), I also believe that when we’re doing it in the moment/event, we’ll most likely doing it. So why not now? When millions of people are preparing 2018 at the same time. This is the moment.

Okay, let’s start shall we?

1.Spring Cleaning

Start a new year with a fresh clean house/apartment/dorm room. Do a detail cleaning on each area of your house. You can do it once for all in 1 day, maybe you have a 1 bedroom apartment, then dedicate 1 day to just do spring cleaning you apartment. If you have a house and have so many areas, do 1 area a day. But make sure it’s not just a daily cleaning, you gotta go all the way, till the back of the corner of your cabinets. You can also do spring cleaning on your devices. Clean your email inbox, texts,contacts, apps, etc.

2. De-clutter & Donate

Collect every things you don’t use anymore or you don’t touch for the 6 months. Whether it’s your clothes, pans, pots, books, or even canned food that you don’t intend to eat anymore (coz it’s near expiry dates or you don’t like it). Put them in boxes and donate them. You can donate to your neighbors (if you know that they’re struggling financially or just having a baby or anything), to some charity foundation, to your family, or anybody in needs.

3. Accomplish 2017 goals/resolutions

I know it’s just few days before new year, but it’s not too late to accomplish at least 1 of your 2017 goal/resolution that you haven’t accomplish this year. Look at your list and find (at least) 1 and do it. JUST DO IT!. Maybe you wanted to be vegan, maybe want to go on your 1st camping, maybe you want to sing in front of people other than your mirror, maybe you want to start your own Etsy shop, do it. See for those few days how you feel. You might like it or you might not. This can totally change your perspective of your life in the next year. And frankly, checking off things out of your list is a great feeling.

4. Write down your obstacles

Sit down, get a paper and a pen, write down all of your obstacles, be honest with yourself, accept them, and find a way to tackle them. Instead of you denying and fighting it, embrace them so you can move forward. You know that you have to be more discipline on submitting your assignments, but you keep delaying, find out why, find a solution, so can be better on your assignments next year or this few days before new year (even better).

5. Re-evaluate

What have you accomplish in 2017? What you like? What you don’t like? Who you should be friends with (good influence friends)? Who you should be friends less (bad influence friends)? What’s your failure so you can do better? What’s your achievements? What can you change? What to go and what to stay? This self-evaluate mojo can really make you understand more about yourself so you can be a better person and you can love yourself more.

6. Write Down Gratitude

Of all what’s been happening with you in 2017, all the sadness, failures, disappointments, laughter, tears, and even things you don’t understand, list down ALL your gratitude. You might find it cheesy, but there’s good in everything. You might find it hard to be grateful in your condition right now, but start writing, after some times you will find it easier to write your list coz the more you focus on the things that are good, the more goods you will find in your life. Once it’s complete, look at your list and see how lucky you are. Your heart will bloom with gratitude and your mind can really open up to get you more prepare in 2018. Coz you know, no matter what 2018 might brings, you will be blessed. You will be braver and stronger.

7. Write A Letter To Your Future Self

Awkward. Yes, I think so too. But it’ll be fun to know who you are when you’re a year younger and you will be surprise to know what is your future self turn into. Start with talking about yourself at this present time, who you are, what you’re doing, what you like and don’t like, who you like, what’s your hobby, what’s your fear, etc. Just like talking to a friend. I can talk hours to my friends, so why not spend time talking to myself? Okay, that sounds weird @.@ Then continues with what you expect your future self to be. Maybe you want to stop smoking, want to start a new business, want to get married, want to have children, etc. Give advice to your future self. What to do and not do. Then seal the letter in an envelope and don’t open it till next year or 5 years or 10 years and so on. You can do it digitally and schedule it for you.

8. Get Organize

Get yourself more organize. Set a routine. You can download and print my cleaning routine here Go get yourself a planner. Set your alarm at 5am everyday. Start organizing your life so you can map out your life in an order. You will find yourself at peace and less anxious when you know exactly what you’re doing. But you’ll be a mess when you don’t even know what to do when you get up in the morning (or noon). What’s your purpose? How are you gonna get there when you don’t even plan out your steps? Make home for everything in your house/apartment, so you don’t spend time looking for things. 2018 sure will be a hack of a year when you already organized it and set yourself in a proper mind.

9. Clean Up Financial Messes

It is time to clean up your financial messes. 2018 should be a better year financially. Find out your biggest failure in not keeping your money in your wallet. Is it clothes, books, eating out, movies, etc. Get your budget planner start right now. It is hard to stick on a budget for first trimester, but if you start planning your budget now, 1st January you already set and even if you fail in the 1-3 months, you still have 9 months to fix them and start achieving your financial goals.

10. Set Your 2018 Goals/Resolutions

Write down everything that you want to achieve on 2018. Make it on categories such as personal, family, finance, career/business, etc. Writing it down will set your mind and you will have more will power to achieve those goals. You can even start cheating your start right now πŸ˜€

Those are my 10 tips on what to do before 2018. Thank you for stopping by. Leave a like and share if you find it inspiring and give you the motivation to finish this end in the proper satisfying way.

Please leave a comment below on what you’d like to do before 2018. Let’s grow together!

Posted in Adulting, Daily Prompt, Thoughts, Writings

The cycleΒ 

There will be time for flowers to bloom. 

There will be time for them to fall. 

And the cycle will continues as long as they live. 

There’s a cycle for us living things on earth. 

We move in a circle of life. 

Some makes you nauseas, some makes you giggle, some makes you overwhelm. 

We are what our action is. 

People can’t see your root yet they judge your tree. 

Our choices set the cycle. 

How do you want your cycle would be?