Posted in Adulting, Christianity, Daily Prompt, Thoughts, What happened?, Writings

A Journey Of Finding A Church | Christianity | Spiritual Journey

I’ve been obligated to have a religion that will be my spiritual identity, since I was born. Maybe we all are ‘obligated’ in some ways.

I have learned some religions in order to find my religious identity and it’s not easy. You got judgments and doubts and thoughts and even I was in the state of doubting myself.

But I never, ever, has doubted God. The creator of the universe and me. I am more of a spiritual person than a religious one. I find that religions are ‘more human’ than God itself. Religion makes people ‘holy’ and selfish.

Disclaimer : It’s my own opinion that is not intended to offense anybody.

But… As we live in the world of boxes, somehow we need to fit in to one of those boxes. So do I and my children.

I’ve been raised in a Catholic family and been a Catholic for so many years but then after I got married, my husband introduced me to Christianity.

Again I have some thoughts, doubts, questions, and disagreement over the religion. But I tried to oblige and observance in the same time. Not a religious material to do right?

I’ve been going to the same church for years and I didn’t feel peace. Life went on and I went along.

Then I moved to another town and found the church (the same one at the last town) and I brought myself and the kids to that church. I thought that if I go to a different ‘branch’, there’s some different, but I was wrong. It’s the same, so I still had my old feelings.

I felt that I was in a state of lying to myself and God. Like a hypocrite. Even my kids didn’t want to go to their Sunday School. Coz they’re feeling the same as I felt. Some uncomfortable feelings.

For some times, we stopped going to church. I felt like I was a bad mom, not fulfilling my job in giving my kid’s soul needs. I want my children to have a consciousness of having God. The One that control the universe. The One that giving them mercy and love. The One that over power the whole world.

Then one day, my prayers was answered. A friend of my mom came visiting one day and the conversation was led to me not going to church and when she goes. So she informed me where the church is and the time of Sunday service.

Sunday came. I was driving my car and literally in a junction. Turn right to the old church or turn left to the new church. I was debating with myself and finally turn my wheel to the left. As I was driving, I already felt some hope but again debating whether I was to send the kids straight to the Sunday School classes or letting them in the service with me.

I was at the church, parking my car, walking in, and the classes was already began. I asked the kids (hoping) if they wanted to go to the classes. And they went in without any fuss. They were just saying bye and went in. It was a relief. They didn’t know anybody coz we’re new in town and it’s our first time in the church.

I went up to the service, found myself a seat, and joined in. The church isn’t as big as my old one was. The people is more humble and I felt welcomed. Unlike the rich people in my old church, that were not seemed aware of each others, even careless. Being alone and don’t feel belong to is not the feeling we’re supposed to be getting from a church. But here, in this new church, on my first time, I already felt like a family.

And more to my surprise, the focus of the church was not getting as much money as possible (which is the focus of the old church) but getting as much souls (to believes in Jesus as saviour) as possible. I felt rejoice and yes they’re getting a new soul. Mine and my kid’s.

Now, we don’t skip church unless one of us were sick. The kids were not as lazy as they were. Before, they were even cried if I asked them to go to church for Sunday School. Now, they got up voluntarily and always share good stories of what they learned from Sunday classes.

The kids are now joining the music ministry classes. Abe (my oldest, 12yo) is joining drum class and Al (my youngest, 9yo) is joining keyboard class. For FREE!!! At my old church everything was monetized, including giving our self to serve God, we need to pay.

I thank God for sending me someone who informed me of this church. I thank God for giving me a second chance to find Him. I thank God for letting my children to serve Him. I thank God that I am more in love with Him through this church.

The pastor of this church is always emphasizing on getting more souls not in a way of dragging them from other church to go into this church. He is always saying that we need to save new souls so more people knows and believes on Jesus Christ. He has strong disagreement on moving other Christians from one church to another church.

Well, I disagree with him. I know for myself that not every Christian that are already in a church have their souls on God. I know for sure that not every Christian goes to church every Sunday out of their faith on Jesus. Coz I know, I’ve been going just wanted to fit in the box. So that I have a religion identity.

The church is supposed to change our old self into our new that believes and surrender only to Jesus Christ, reflecting Jesus in our everyday life. And if after so many years, one don’t feel any will power to change their old self, to be more like Jesus rather than the world. Then I say, find another church coz they obviously needs to be saved, like I am saved.

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Posted in Adulting, Budgeting, Christianity, Parenting, Thoughts

Changing The Family Tree

I was buying a bottle of Coke at a shop near our church on Sunday. I gave him one IDR 100.000 ($7) note and he asked me if I have smaller note, I said no. Then he started saying that he hears that all the time, that people are saying they don’t have smaller notes so they can sort of change their bigger note into smaller ones.

I said, I’m not lying. I only have that one piece of note with me, that’s my budget for 2 weeks. I don’t have cash other than that one note. Then he asked me, what if a relative came over and needed some money? I said, if I don’t have then I can’t give them right? He said, well you have to give them, no matter what and where you get the money from.

Wow… Easy man.

Then he said, if you limit (budget) your cash like that, then you’ll get bullied, everybody will talk behind your back and start stepping away from you. I told him, if we care too much with what everybody says about you, then you’ll be digging your own grave (well, I didn’t bluntly say that).

This is what happen with most Indonesian. We care too much with our images. We have to look good in front of other people. Budgeting is a strange term for us. And when we do budgeting, people will laugh at us. There’s still very little awareness of budgeting in our mindset.

In Indonesia, budgeting means stingy and cheapskate. It’s a bad reputation for us ๐Ÿคฃ

My boys don’t get pocket money for school and they got laughed at school. Especially my teen boy, Abe. He’s in 7 grade and ALL of his friends have pocket money. Sometimes he asked me why he doesn’t get pocket money and I told him that he doesn’t need it. He bring lunch from home and our house is 5 minutes away from school. And he sure doesn’t want to get sick over some unhealthy food that people sell at school.

And while other kids are showing off their new expensive phones at school, Abe doesn’t bring his (hand down) phone to school. I tell you, there are so much pressure that kids are getting right now. If I don’t teach them about money as early as I can, the family tree of ‘being dumb with money’ is getting bigger and it’ll be harder to cut down.

I’m teaching them of being frugal (not cheapskate), wise (not stingy), and I want to them to see money as a gift from God for them to manage so they can lend and not borrow.

Me and hub is being raised as most Indonesian so we ourselves have a lot to learn. We made our mistakes and we need to make a stop at it. It’s never too late to change to be better coz we’re leaving a legacy to our boys. And it’s not the one that our parents left us with.

We are cutting the tree and grow a new healthier tree. Yes, it won’t be easy but God promise that we will sow what we reap.

Posted in Adulting, Christianity, Daily Prompt, Thoughts, Writings

I will bloom where I am!

It’s so easy to fall into disappointments when we’re in a place that we thought we don’t belong to. We thought that this is not what I’m supposed to be doing, not what you wanted to do in life, not what you want to be.

Especially when you feel discouraged, underrated, undervalued, misunderstood, and all the wrongs we could’ve think of… We just thought that it isn’t fair. What have I done to be in such a miserable place?

I fall into this trap sometimes (well… often times), where I just couldn’t see any good in anything. I would’ve gone back thinking about the past, what I would’ve been doing right now instead of this, today.

I was so happy with my life, no burden, singing a lot, partying a lot, was having the best careers in my young life. Then suddenly I had to gave it up into something that I didn’t even want at that time. Not even thought about it. Not even in my plans.

Then I fell into the darkness of depression (again). Blaming myself, blaming my mom, blaming everybody, blaming God. Nothing was good at that time. I just wanted it to be over and I got back into my old happy self.

But that’s not how life is. Life goes on whether you wanted it to be the way you wanted or not. And I moved along with it. At good times, I can see why it happened, and start seeing everything fall into place like it supposed to be. But in hard times, I regret things A LOT. Wish that I could’ve done differently.

When I see my life in a way that how I didn’t want it, I kinda say that God makes mistakes or God is punishing me. Hard to see the good in anything when you don’t believe that God controls the universe.

God is in everything you do, every person you meet, every opportunity, closed doors, open doors, happiness, sadness, lost, EVERYTHING. There’s no such thing as luck or coincidence.

Yes we make our own choices and sometimes we don’t make a good one, but God has SO MANY OTHER WAYS to get you back on course. Coz He loves us. And in the journey of you coming back is often times a bumpy jumpy road.

That’s when we started to struggle then we started to complain and worries about things. And I worry a lot. My brain works like a roller coaster. Riding on a roller coaster might be fun for once but when you have to live on it, you puked a lot. You got sick and tired of rolling around passing the same road over and over again that you couldn’t even have control over it.

But this is how I overcome my ‘sickness’. When my head is straight, I’ve no problems seeing what’s good in my life. But when it’s not, I make sure that I have it straight by reading devotional, bible journaling, writes gratitude, read motivational and inspirational books, watch self helps videos on YouTube, etc.

If I don’t do it for myself, no one is going to do it for me. I need to stand up for myself and get everything good (in my perspective) so I can see and understand what God wants in my life.

God loves me. God wants me to reach the fullness of my destiny and I know that it’s good. God knows what I need and He will provide. God is going to smooth my journey, put everyone in place, and things will be lighter and simpler.

I just need to do my best, bloom where I am at, keep honoring God and put Him first. And I believe there’s going to be a supernatural Grace, a favor that lightens the load and takes the pressure off coz God is good.

Amen.

Posted in Adulting, Beauty, Budgeting, Christianity, Daily Prompt

15 Favorite YouTube Channels

Hi…

Welcome back and if you’re new here, please subscribe if you haven’t already, I’d love to have you join my blog family ๐Ÿ™‚

Today I’m gonna share my favorite YouTube channels that I watch every single day. I was writing a list of 10 channels then I realized, some of my fav are not in the list ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

Well… Let’s make it 15 then! Why not? The more the merrier right ๐Ÿ˜€

I love watching YouTube videos. It literally replaces the function of TV in my life. I watch YouTube while washing dishes, ironing, cooking, I listen (yes listen) to YouTube while doing my chores & routines, and I watches YouTube while pooping *awkward

Now let me share with you what I watch everyday… Not in particular order :

1.Dave Ramsey

The father of financial freedom. Does anybody call him like that? No? Well… He is to me. He is straight forward, honest, and he lives by the Bible. And he hates stupid people, especially when they’re being stupid towards money.

He is teaching me how to be an adult in terms of handling money, that is approved by God. He hates debts, as I do. He is giving me the motivation to get out of debts. As much as I hate being in debt, I (forced to) jumped (and dive straight) into it.

Watch his latest video You CAN Take Control Of Your Money!

2.She’s In Her Apron

Kimmy is a fun woman, kindhearted, care about others, and she’s a good mom. I love watching her vlogs. She’s down to earth and honest about her life.

Watching her is like having a friend that supports you to be the best version of you. One thing I ‘envy’ from her life, she can enjoy her life. She gets to have girls night out and she has a wonderful loving husband. I love seeing them together.

Watch her latest video Dinners & Change | Housewife Life

3.TED Talks

It is a channel that have videos of people sharing inspirations, motivations, ideas, innovations, breakthrough, literary every topic and every successful names you have in mind, TED Talks have it.

Watch their latest video What makes something go viral? | Dao Nguyen

4.Joel Osteen

I watch it every morning. I dedicated 30-45 minutes every morning to do my Bible journaling, devotion, Bible reading, and I watch him.

He is the most positive person I’ve ever known and he’s a pastor/father/minister, anything you want to call him. I need his preach every morning to set myself in the right attitude, mind, behavior, anything positive.

His preach is God centered preach and I need that in my life. I need to be reminded that everything comes from God.

Watch his latest message Pit Praisers – Joel Osteen

5.Vasseur Beauty

She’s gorgeous, down to earth, funny, cute, creative. I love her organization videos. I watch each of her video till the end, coz at the end Ryan (her husband) will definitely make you laugh.

Watch her latest video 10 HEALTHY HABITS TO SLAY 2018!

6.Kalyn Nicholson

She’s pretty, fun, and she motivates and inspires me to be a better me. Her contents are worth watching.

Watch her latest video CAPRICORN | Chit Chat Get Ready With Me

7.Do It On A Dime

Catherine is a lovable person. She’s very creative in organization and she will give you ideas on how to do it without spending big amount of money.

She have 2 cute boys that I think are gonna be the next big hit on YouTube ๐Ÿ˜€

Watch her latest video NEW! DOLLAR TREE SHOP WITH ME & HAUL! ๐Ÿ’Ÿ Valentine’s, Quick DIYs, Organization 2018

8.Pick Up Limes

She is the kind of princess in my mind. The way she speaks, make you hooked to her. She’s calm, pretty, positive minded person. I love listening to her. Yes, her videos is the kind that you can move around and be productive while you listen to her. Her voice can even make you want to start meditating. Her voice is soothing.

Watch her latest video ACHIEVING YOUR GOALS ยป simple & effective approach

9.Sugar Mamma

She is a fierce woman. She’s one of the YouTuber that I listen to. She’s so passionate about finance and investments. The way she talk, you can see that she’s genuinely excited about her topics. I get fired up whenever I watch and listen to her motivating videos.

Watch her latest video Your Fabulous Financial Goals for 2018 || SugarMamma.TV

10.Happily A Housewife

Samantha is posting weekly vlogs and lifestyle. I like her coz she’s honest about her videos and she’s okay with being her. Her schedule is madness (actually similar like mine) but she enjoys her life.

Watch her latest video A NEW YEAR! | HAPPILY A HOUSEWIFE WEEKLY VLOG #1

11.Marnie Goldberg

She’s pretty and very stylish. She’s not into organization or normal mom life videos like most of videos I watch, but I like her. I like her style and her family. I enjoy her vlogs more than her other contents (beauty/lifestyle).

Watch her latest video 2017 Lifestyle Favorites | MsGoldgirl

12.MuchelleB

She’s motivating and inspiring. Her contents are all about self development and live a better life. I love her contents and (again) I listen to her video. Just like a podcast or audio book ๐Ÿ˜€

Watch her latest video Writing your Own Personal Commandments – Book Club for Babes

13.Our Life On A Budget

She’s honest and passionate about budgeting. As someone whose on a debt free journey, I listen to people who already (or in the journey) winning over their debts. And she’s one of many.

Watch her latest video First Grocery Haul and Meal Plan for 2018

14.Lydia Senn

I found her channel when I was searching for Virtual Assistant videos and hers came up. But lately, she’s more focus on finance videos, but I still love her. She’s cute and honest. Her advice is doable and often related to me.

Watch her latest video 18 money mistakes to stop making in 2018

15.Pennies Into Pearls

She’s chatty and her personality brings me joy ๐Ÿ˜€

She’s giving real numbers from her personal budgeting. She’s into frugal lifestyle. I love her.

Watch her latest video 11 Tips to Instantly Increase Your Success When Talking About Money With Your Spouse

Give shout out to them!!!

They’re motivating and inspirational people, I love them and I think you would too.

Note : latest videos are when I’m writing this blog to schedule it live next week, so it may not be the latest by the time you’re reading it. But their videos are great, so whichever, you’ll find great contents anyway.

Share it to as many as you want so we can share the good contents that is (much) needed for us to set our foot right this year (yes, I’m still in the new year spirit).

Leave a like and tell me what is your favorite channel on YouTube in the comment section below, I might like them too ๐Ÿ™‚

Thanks for stopping by and don’t forget to subscribe if you haven’t already ๐Ÿ™‚

Posted in Adulting, Budgeting, Challenge, Christianity, Daily Prompt, Thoughts, Writings

You’re an embarrassment!

“You’re an embarrassment!”

Have you ever heard that pointed at you? Me. A million times. Being an Indonesian, I need to look ‘perfect’. I don’t talk about my difficulties, my sadness, my problems, my insecurities, my honesty. As long as they’re bad, I’m not allowed to talk about it. That triggered me to suicide long time ago. 

I need to look good all the time so I won’t be an embarrassment. I need to put on weight or people will think that my parents don’t feed me enough. I need to put on good clothes or people will think that my parents can’t afford to buy me clothes. I need to be like this or like that, so I don’t embarrass my family. 

I like to share. My happiness or even my sorrow. People have no problem with you sharing your new car, your big house, your new expensive phone, as long as it makes you look good. Maybe that’s why most of the people spend more money to look good when they’re actually is broke. 

But then they’ll look at you like **** (whatever) when you share that you’re broke. They started to talk about you. How you’re such an embarrassment for telling people about your problems. Being honest is now an embarrassment. I see. 

I know that some my (Indonesian) friends are stalking on my Instagram account. They have their pride for not following my account but yet they stalk on me. Hello there! 

I am now challenging myself on a very little budget on food this month. And I’m sharing my journey with the world. And I know they’re now talking about me. Am I an embarrassment? I don’t think so. 

Why the heck do I want to share my embarrassing life? You know what… I’m not the only one who’s struggling financially. If at least I can help 1 person anywhere in the world, to tell them that they’re not fighting alone, that they have to keep the spirit high and not being defeated by they’re lacking, I’m happy. 

Sometimes feeling lonely can really bring you down. It actually not as bad as they thought if they can talk to someone else that can give them a better view of any chaos they are in right now. Sometimes we need someone else to tell us that we are okay. That there’s hope in anything. 

This is what I am into with whatever I am sharing with you now. Not to embarrass anybody. Not to embarrass my family. Not embarrass myself. This is me telling you, that we can work it out. That our situation right now is not permanent. This is just another level of our life that we have to get through. And we have to get through so that we know there’s a brighter future ahead of us. We can’t stop here. We have to move on with whatever left in us. 

Me having so little money to feed my kids may have made you grateful coz you’re having more than me. It makes you feel good that you’re not bad at all. Or maybe you’re like me, so let’s walk the journey together. Let’s make it work. 

If then me or you have some extra money to add on the budget, that’s great. That’s the proof of God’s promise that He will provide. And we can share the good news to the world. That God is a loving Father that WILL NOT leave His children abandoned. God can give you anything you need. Let alone your daily meal. 

So am I an embarrassment? I think not. You may have a different say about me but I’m sharing God’s greatness to the world that even in my lacking, God is loving me. God is taking care of me. That I am doing this as me presenting my gratitude to Him for providing my needs. 

And He will provide you too. 

Posted in Adulting, Christianity, Daily Prompt, Thoughts, Writings

Stumblingย 

There will be time when we’re in the darkness. Stuck. Nowhere to go. Afraid to move coz we can’t see anything. Scared of the possibilities. What if we fall deeper? What if we hurt ourselves? What if no one see us? What if no one help us? 

No matter how hard I’ve tried to stay as positive as I can. To hold on so tight to my faith. To keep reminding myself to stay grateful in whatever circumstances that I’m in. I too fall into the darkness sometimes. 

The times when I can’t seem to see any good in anything that I’ve been working on. Times when I feel overwhelmed and so tired to keep this going on any longer. Times when I just want to give up everything. Times when I no longer have the strength to move on. 

Everyday I try to keep myself focus. Focusing on what’s important. To keep moving. To keep my mind busy. So I will forget every problem that I’m in. I force my brain to work overtime, anytime, every time. Hoping that I’ll skip the dark and stay in the light. But there’s no day without the night. There’s no light without the dark. 

God never promise a rainbow without a storm. A life without a problem. I have to suck it all in, breath, adjust my eyes so I can see in the dark. I can’t run without falling, I can’t walk without taking a step. Walking in the dark is taking all my faith in God’s hands. 

I have to be patient. Taking every step. Trying to take “Walk by faith and not by sight” literally. I do feel some scratches on my skin for stumbling into the wall. I fell on my knees coz some rocks on my toes. I sweat and hardly breath. Have you ever try to breath in the darkness? Hard. It’s like you forget how to breath. The darkness suffocate you. 

In the darkness you feel lonely. But you can hear voices. The voices of all other people in the darkness with you. Would it help when we know that we’re not alone even of we can’t see them? I would say, yes. It scares me a little more but somehow it soothes me. It tells me that I’m not the only one struggling a way out of this darkness. It gives me hope that if we’re together in this, somehow we’ll make it through. 

What can they possibly do when they themselves are scared as hell like me? Well, at least we can talk. We can strengthen each other. Giving hope. I don’t know. But it seems nice. Not alone in the dark is a nice feeling. Right? 

It’s not that I wish for other people to jump in the dark and feel my struggle. But anyhow, we’re all struggle a different fight. When you feel overwhelmed and like crying the hell out of you, a nice feeling is all you need. 

Desperate likely said? Say whatever you want, we’re all in our own darkness. 

After sometimes struggling, scratching, crawling, you’ll come to your senses. Nothing will ever happened to you without His permission. Your scratches, your bleeding hearts, your painful legs, your numb brains, coz He wants you to come to Him. HIM ONLY. 

Search into Him. Find His words. He will guide you to the light. HIM ONLY IS ABLE TO DO THAT. It is a matter of time. It is only after He search deep into you that He’ll bring you up into the light. 

Look at ourselves. Please look deep. Coz what’s on the outside, He care less. Deep inside He will look. 

Posted in Adulting, Christianity, Daily Prompt, Thoughts, Writings

God’s Got This!

This morning is a gloomy day. The sky is dark and I was sundrying my laundry.

When I came back from sending the kids to school, mom asked me to take care of the laundry, move it somewhere else coz it’s going to rain. I said, it’s fine, it won’t rain.

I made my coffee and started Bible journaling. Then my mom called me again (about an hour or so), “It’s going to rain. Move the laundry!”. I stopped writing and looked out the window, it’s drizzling, very thin. I told my mom to not worry, it’s not going to rain. Then she got upset.

It’s windy and I can see the sun is peeping behind those dark clouds. I’m not a weather expertise, but I can see that it’s not going to rain.

My mom gets easily upset over anything. Even the smallest thing. Well, for me it was small but obviously it’s huge to her.

This happens to me sometimes, worrying too much about something, spending my energy and emotion over some little things. Without the understanding of what’s really going on, I got upset and worried.

As I got older, I realized that worrying about something I don’t really understand get in the way of my happiness. What is the result of being upset about something? I got anxious, discouraged, lost focus, not able to do anything right. Nothing is good about it. And it made me tired.

A lot of things happen without us understanding what was going on. Why this and that happens to us? What have I done wrong? What to eat? What to wear? How to pay the bills?

When I was living alone, away from my family, single, literally alone. I didn’t have all those feeling. The worrying, the upset, the anxiety, I had none of those and I was not really into church. Yet I was not worry at all about my life. I have full faith. A thousand percent faith that God was taking care of me. My life was just flowing and I enjoyed every bit of my success career.

Then I got married, have kids, and my mind was overwhelmed by all of “What if” moments. What if my baby got choked over a spinach? What if I can’t feed my kids? What if my marriage doesn’t work? What if I got divorce? What if… What if… What if…

I started to overthink everything, anything. We argued alot. We still do, but which couple don’t? I was fighting over my principle, defending myself, trying to prove that I was right. And obviously, my hub was thinking the same.

Different upbringing, different brain, different mindset, different personalities, living together trying to work things out, and it’s haaaaaaaaard.

It’s hard trying to stay focus on your blessings when people around you are giving all the negative attitude and messing with your mind. And it’s even harder when you’re attached to them for life hahahaha

Overtime, I grow up. I switch my thinking and change my perspective. I can not fight every battle. I can not keep trying to defend myself and proof that I am right. I just need to let go and let God.

Some of the battles got allowed in your life are not just about you. Sometimes it’s to make a statement to the people around you. You don’t have to argue, don’t need to proof anything, God will show them what they need to see. In His time. In His way.

When I change my attitude towards problem, I live in peace. When I know that nothing can happen without His permission, amazing things happen.

You’ll know when I’m trying to let go by seeing my reaction towards something. I am a chatty person. I love to talk. I can talk about anything for hours. But when I turn cold and speak less towards someone or something, that means I’m backing off. I put my hands off that thing and I’m letting God works on it.

It’s just not worth my time, not worth my peace, not worth my energy, to fight over something. It’ll just get me worked up and distracting me over some things that are more important.

When you’re facing some problems that seem to have a never ending process in your life. Bad finances, health issues, poor choices, or anything negative. Change your perspective. God controls the universe. Be still and know that He is God.

Posted in Adulting, Christianity, Daily Prompt, Thoughts, Writings

A Son Mentality

How many times we’ve been so caught up in our problems, thinking that we’re so unfortunate. Troubles seem to keep up with us. One thing after another.

Then we started thinking that God is leaving us. Coz we’ve done so many mistakes, made so many poor choices, like there’s nothing we can do that can make God happy with us.

There’s nothing we can do to turn the table around. Nothing goes your way. Nothing seems to be working fine. And we are stuck in our place. Forced to take what’s there for us.

Then you stop trying. Coz you think, this is where you belong. This poverty, this weaknesses, this addictions, this sicknesses, this limitations, all those things coz you deserve it.

I was all those things. I thought I was ugly, dumb, sick brainless little girl, thinking that I don’t deserve any goodness in my life coz I’ve been a rejected girl since the day my mom conceived me in her womb.

All those thinking put me in the slavery. I was a slave to my own thinking. I didn’t know God. I didn’t know that I am the daughter of most highest Father in heaven.

I turned myself to pills to help me sleep. Trying to shut down my whirling brain even just for a couple hours. I poured my heart to some shrink. Thinking that they could help me. Till the day I was having the thought of ending my own life.

That day, I made the choice to stop being a slave. I still didn’t know God. Yes I went to church, just because. But there’s something in me that brought me to some rebellion thought that I don’t want to be a part of my broken family.

I left my family. Living my own life. Having my own decisions. Alone. Struggling. And that was the best decision I’ve ever made in my life. I found myself wasn’t a slave. I am a smart pretty young girl that can do whatever I wanted to do. Be whatever I wanted to be.

Now that I know God, I become a stronger person, knowing that I deserve all the blessings and I inherited my Father’s treasures. No matter what I do wrong, as long as I come back to Him, He will still accept me for who I am.

I hate hate hate the slave mentality. I don’t like seeing others having the slave mentality. Thinking that they can only do what they do. Thinking that they are full of limitations. Thinking that they are lacking.

I hate people weeps at their troubles yet not doing anything to solve anything. “I don’t know what else I should do! I’m stuck! I’m hopeless!”.

You will be stuck and hopeless if you don’t do your part. You can’t get any good results on your health if you keep eating garbage. You can’t expect abundance if you don’t go out to work. You can’t see any opportunities if you limit yourself inside the house, meeting no one. You can’t have growth if you don’t do anything to nurture your seeds.

I am a strong believer that we can do ANYTHING. ANYTHING WE WANT TO DO. ANYTHING WE WANT TO BE.

Do you have the thinking that you are limited that you can not do certain things? That’s a slave mentality.

Stop pitying yourself. Stop weeping at your disadvantage. Start claiming for your inheritance. We are the son of God. We have everything we need to achieve everything we are destined to be.

There’s no father wants the worst for their children. We have the most loving, the most amazing, the most highest Father, that rules the whole universe.

God already paid the price. Jesus already sacrificed His life for us to live. Now we do our part. Be the son! Run boldly to claim your blessings.

Leave those slave suits. If you don’t see yourself in the right way, it will limit your blessings.

Don’t have a limited mindset. You have to give God permission to increase you. It starts in your thinking.

You have seeds of greatness. Don’t talk yourself out of it. You are not a slave to negative things. God love you too much to let you live in mediocrity. God is The Father who wants to give the best for His children.

Don’t see yourself too high in greatness that you don’t see the need for you to change. Be humble. Be a better person. Be the son.

God doesn’t count your past. He sees who you are right now. Who do you want Him to see? A slave or a son?

Posted in Adulting, Christianity, Daily Prompt, Parenting, Thoughts, Writings

Woman Power

I pray for all the single mothers that you stay in faith and surrender to God. Give your children in His hands and believe that you’re not alone. God will work with you hand in hand.

Keep your head high coz there’s nothing to be ashamed of. You are doing everything you can to give whatever the children’s needs.

People may buzz but they don’t live your life. You are doing what’s best for the children and for you. They might think and say whatever they’d like, and whatever you do, they’ll keep finding a topic of this week.

Talk is cheap. It really does. But walking limbs, wounded, yet still have to fight to survive is a good price to pay. Believe that God will pay for every tears you shed.

Keep doing what’s right. You might feel lonely and overwhelmed, nobody to share with, to at least give your mind at peace. But God is with you. He is walking right beside you. And He will carry you when you’re tired.

I pray for you who is struggling with your marriage that God will give you what’s best.

It may not be as you wanted but believe that God plans every single details of your life. Even the shaky marriage.

The marriage you’ve been dreaming of since you’re just a little baby girl turns into nightmare. It may seems that nothing goes your way and all you feel is pain. Believe that God sees all and He is a loving father who will protect you from breaking.

You may stand in the junction without knowing where to go. Afraid of taking yet another wrong choices. Another decision. Another risk to take.

With the children involved, nothing seems to be the right choice. Do I think the children will be happier without their father? Do I think the arguing and the fighting can really bring any good to the children?

A lot of questions with no right answers. A lot of doubts. A lot of teary nights. A lot happens.

This is the right time to stay in touch with God. Ask for His guidance. No guarantee that you’ll see instant results, but as long as you stay in faith, I believe there’s nothing He can’t do for your happiness.

I don’t have the most amazing marriage. I don’t have great marriages in my family. I see broken hearted children. I see me.

As much as I wanted the best for my children, I don’t control other people’s minds. Two personalities with different background, education, environment, and two different brains become one, really need some hard work to do. And A LOT OF LOVE.

These messed up threads really messing up with our life. Please remember, DO NOT put other people’s lives into your account. They may seem to have a perfect life you’ve been dreaming of, but trust me, they are struggling a different battle to us.

Keep doing what’s right even if you’re not acknowledged. Have faith that God knows EVERYTHING. Pray for the best. Surrender to Him.

Posted in Adulting, Christianity, Daily Prompt, Parenting, Thoughts, Writings

The Art Of “BUT” In Motherhood

Hey kiddos…

I know that you have the right to play and watch TV and internet and whatever it is that makes you feel good BUT… Please do your homework, do your chores, and your other responsibilities first.

I know that you want to eat all the junkiest food you ever see on TV commercial or coz your friends eat them and you tasted it and you liked it. I will give you every once in a while (when I’m in good mood and have the budget for it) BUT… Please eat your vegetables, fruits, and whatever it is I served on the table for your meals.

I know that you need your coolness in front of your friends and the girl you like, so you need to exist in the social media and talk the same language as them. Well, I made you the Instagram account and WhatsApp to ‘connect’ with them BUT… Please understand that you’re doing all those social thingy on my phone and I control when and with whom you ‘connect’.

I know and I believe that you can do whatever you want in life. Be whoever you want to be. A successful rich people who knows how to conquer the world. BUT… Please remember that all those don’t come easy. All those ‘glorious’ things in life don’t just fall from the sky for you. You need to work hard, have the character, and the right attitude to achieve them. Laziness can only bring you nothing.

I know that money makes you happy. You can buy and do whatever you want with all the money you have BUT… Please keep in mind that God owns it all. Every single penny you have, God owns it. Stay humble and make “giving back” a part of your life. Coz God bless you for you to be able to bless others.

I know that I will not always be there for you BUT… Please remember that I will be looking at you from above and feel very proud of you.

I may not be leaving you with loads of treasures BUT I will try my hardest to prepare you for the life that God wants you to be. I will be leaving you with the legacy of gratitude, good character, discipline, work ethic, empathy, God’s children material, and the attitude of a good human.

I may not be the best mom in the world BUT I will do my best to be your mom.

We will change our family tree. Do know that I make mistakes BUT you will see those mistakes as the lesson you need to live your life.

I don’t promise that you wouldn’t do any mistakes BUT you will have the attitude of a winner that will have a positive response towards any turn downs.

Dream big. Do big. Be big.