I have some bitterness in my heart. Have to struggle with it every single day. Facing it every single second.
So many times I want to give up to the temptation of anger. Just wanted to let everything out. Making a scene. Saying things that I’ve been keeping for so many years, for the sake of peace.
The peace I’ve been trying to keep, starting to burst. The wall I’ve been trying to build, starting to crumble. The war between myself and the temptation to give up is something I can’t win by my own power.
God is asking me to take care of the kids. I won’t be able to fulfill that if I surrender to the invitation of self satisfaction of breaking free.
My hands are needed to work on God’s mission in my life. Even sometimes my hands are hurt, swelling, feels like resting. But I can’t stop. I need to go on.
The work that God wants me to do, doesn’t have to stop just because temptation of giving up comes knocking over and over again.
Freedom is something I’ve been wanting so desperately. But my children needs me more than anything else in this world. It’s the reason I exist. It’s why God created me in the first place.
Though freedom can really really really bring happiness to my life again, the happiness of my children is the core essence of myself.
I will continue to work while I battle coz “Now God, strengthen my hands”.