Posted in Adulting, Christianity, Daily Prompt, Parenting, Thoughts

I’m JUST a stay at home mom! 

Last night at church, waiting for Abe on his teens ministry. He specifically asked me to change his tutor schedule so he can join the teens ministry. Who am I not to accommodate his ministry request? 

So I reschedule his tutor class. Sent him by my Mio. I intentionally not using our car so we can save on gas. 

The church is about 10km from our house and we were showered in rain coming home last night. I was soaked. But not Abe, coz I covered him well. Always give the best to our kids right 😊 

The church admin recognized me and we chat. She said that I am patient enough to send the kids to church. My church schedule is Monday for keyboard, Thursday for teens ministry, Saturday for drum, Sunday for church and drum, and twice a month for worshipper ministry. 

Not to mention the kids school schedule, extracurricular, sport, and tutor. Of course, those errands is not included in house chores. I was not this busy even when I was working plus I had extra income 😜 . 

So I should say, stay at home mom shouldn’t be taken lightly 😉 

Posted in Adulting, Christianity, Daily Prompt, Thoughts

Tithe or not tithe

Let me tell you something about myself. I am no way near an angel material. I am a sinner. I am still learning to be a Christian. Yes I was baptized in Catholic Church long time ago, but still not being baptized in Christian Church (it’s supposed to be different, right? We’ll get to baptism things in another post). 

Back to tithing. So, in Catholic we don’t get doctrines about tithing, or maybe I wasn’t paying attention if it was. When I started going to Christian Church, then I learned about tithing. 

Unlucky (or luckily?) I went to a very very tithing minded church. We were doctrine to give 10% of our income every month without fail to the church, “or else”. 

Almost every Sunday, every sermons, was about giving money to the church. Whatever the sermon was, whatever the verse was, it always comes to money. 

We were told that if we give 10%, God will give us back 100 times more (or sort of). We were told, that money comes from God (which is absolutely true), and we must give back to God (church). Or… God will reluctantly give us more money, in other words, losing jobs or being robbed or some other bad situations. 

Which was why we (my husband and I) keep moving in circles, looking for a ‘comfortable’ church. A church that won’t curse us if we don’t tithe. We practically running away like a chicken. Not that we don’t believe in loving others and giving, but we were scared of the ‘obligation’. 

Me, love giving and sharing. I donate or give help to family and friends, if I must write down numbers, will be more than 10% each month. But still, the idea of 10% tithing to the church gives me an awkward feelings. I was burdened. 

Then when I started my new business, I started tithing. Still in the mindset of God will give back what I tithe to the church or He will ‘curse’ my new business. It was such a misleading information. A total mistake of giving. 

I was having a principle of giving to whoever needs it, at any amount, at any foundation. As long as I give intentionally with all my heart. Coz what I do for others, I serve God. But my principle was stepped down by the doctrine. 

I was having a fight with myself. Brutal.

When I found Jon’s video about tithing. I was reluctant to watch it. I wasn’t sure what he’ll say. Will it support my principle or will it smack me in the face? I kept the video in my list for so long, been skipping it. And finally… The revelation! 

He and I have the same ground in terms of tithing. 

Let me tell you first how I manage my tithing coz I’ve been doing it even before I watched Jon’s video… I spare 10% of my income – from online shop, virtual assistant, and other stuff – for donations/charities (my kind of tithing). Put it in my envelope system and everytime I want to give or donate, I will take from that specific envelope. For a friend who’s in need, for our school security, to buy lunch for a cleaning service, or tips to the toilet attendant, etc. 10% is in my minimum budget, coz now we live bare minimum. 

Now that I watched Jon’s video, I understand more that giving with a joyful heart is more important than just a ‘push’ of 10% tithing to the church and burdened by it, but not caring and loving others. It’s like a hypocrite. And I hate hypocrites. I certainly don’t want to be one. 

God loves me. God wants me to act like Him. Loving and caring for others, like He love and care for me. No push, no punishment, no obligation, no ‘scarecrow’.

Everybody is different and I’m not trying to convert your beliefs into mine. I’m just stating what God wants me to do. This post is solely my opinion and mine only. You do what you believe and I’m not at any capacity to judge anybody. 

God bless you! 

Posted in Adulting, Christianity, Daily Prompt, Thoughts, Writings

I am the living proof! 

We Indonesian have so many secrets. We Indonesian are taught to keep our flaws in a dark place. Never share to anybody else, coz it’ll be an embarrassment. To you, your parents, your family. We don’t want to be the headline and make people turn their head and talking about us. 

We Indonesian are taught to always put on our masks. Stay on the stage, playing happy characters. And I spent my teenage years playing happy doll. I drowned myself in depression. Unable to talk to anybody, swallowing every bit of my mental sickness. 

Till I reached to the point of ending my life, not being afraid of dying, but scared that I’ll give an embarrassment to my mom and my family. Thinking that I was alone. Even death didn’t scare me. 

Now, thanks to God that we live in internet world. I am know in knowledge that I am not alone. I find a lot of people, similar as myself, sharing their life. Not Indonesian. 

I am coming out of my shell. Sharing what Indonesian find as a tabu, an embarrassment. I find myself being helped by people sharing their life and I want to be the blessing too. If even in the tiny lil bit part of your life, that I can give you any support you need, I am happy. 

You giving me your life, is a hero to me. You’ve been helping me. And I want to give back. If me, sharing my life could be a material for you to make fun of me and talk about me, I can’t stop you. 

I am not in control of how your mind works. But I am in full control of my mind. If God has giving me His blessings, I want to share to you. I am the living proof of God’s greatness. 

I want to show you, that you’re not alone. We are all in this together. Don’t get discouraged, coz I got your back, as you got mine. No matter how big your problem is, we have a bigger God. 

Posted in Adulting, Daily Prompt, Thoughts, Writings

How to be happy! 

The pursuit of happiness can really trap someone into ambiguity. What is happiness? What makes you happy? Are you happy? I think that whatever we do, as human, we are aiming for happiness. 

We shop coz it makes us happy. What kind of shopping that makes us happy? What do we buy that brings us happiness? Really… Why is it so hard to be happy? Is it hard? 

I’m not trying to say that I’m the most happiest person in the whole world, but I’m trying to be happy, just like you are. This is me sharing how to be a more happy person and hope it can help you find a little happiness. 

Of course everyone is different, but in some ways we could actually learn something from each other. So, please leave a comment about what makes you happy, share with me. I’d like to learn from you too. 

Let’s get started with I think will make us a more happy person;

1. Grateful Lifestyle

We might not have everything we want, but if you open yourself and see what you have, you’ll be grateful. A little thing that might skip your mind, if you take time to look around and see how that little thing really is a part of your life, of what you need, you will see how blessed you are. 

I have about 6 purses in my closet. Always try to buy a new one. I always find a reason to buy another. New model, new color, bigger, smaller, backpack, sling bag, for different occasions, different events, etc. Do I need all of those different purses? I thought I did, but no. For so many months, I only use one. What happen to the rest? In my closet, untouched, dusty, and some of them are breaking out. Turns out that I don’t need so many purses, it was a want. 

I wasn’t grateful for what I have and always wanting more coz I didn’t feel enough, always lacking. So, look around, be grateful for what you have. You’ll be a more happy person, content, and feel enough. 

2. Peaceful Mind

I know so many live in a very tiring life. Me watching them, feel tired, let alone them living their life. How is it not tiring when all they do is to find other people’s mistakes, finding someone else to point their fingers to, always picking a fight, always take the worst for anything and everything? 

How is it not tiring when you feel that you have to be right all the time? How is it not tiring that you don’t have any peaceful moment at all? Like you are always ready for a fight, to justify yourself, to put yourself so high that you forget who breathed life in you. 

Really… We don’t need to be always right in terms of being happy. Sometimes, letting go, let someone else win the argument is gonna make us happy. Coz we don’t get consumed by anger and disappoinment. We don’t waste our energy fighting some arrogant that is just too focus on themselves and won’t ever let us go without them winning. Tiring right? So, let go and have your peace. 

3. Positive Attitude

It is so easy to find any negativity in any aspect of our lives. We just have to choose not to. A cousin give you a business opportunity, if you’re interested then jump in. If not, don’t think that he just want your money and trick you. Well, he might have or he might not. You wouldn’t know. But keep your positive attitude. He might have bring you fortune and you just throw them in the garbage bin coz you’re too negative. 

A long time friend all of a sudden contacted you, saying hi. You and your negativity shoving him off, afraid that he wants something from you. Maybe to borrow some money, maybe to ask for a job, maybe wanting a help from you. He might have or he might not. You wouldn’t know. He might be someone that God send to help you with any of your problems right now. Or on the contrary. You could save him. 

Don’t always judge. Get out of that negativity box of yours. Try to find the good side of everything. You can literally laugh at your misfortune coz you will see that there are always good in anything. Always. 

4. Care For Others

Look around. Who do you see? What can you do for them? What do you see? What can you do about it? 

Often, we are too busy with ourselves, making ourselves happy and not looking around. Our way to happiness can sometimes bring sadness and disappoinments to others. 

Playing games can bring you joy and satisfaction, but then you neglect the people around you. You neglect the time. You’re pushing them away. Without you knowing, they are moving away, staying away from you. And when it’s too late, you are left alone. 

Try to build some empathy. Care for what other’s needs, wants, and share life with them. Enjoy the process. Together. Leave your bubble and join the crowd. You’ll be surprised on how much you could laugh in one day. 

5. Happy People

Surround yourself with happy people. Positive people. People that can make you grow. People who brings you positivity. People who love some peace. 

We are like water. We shape through our media. If we’re in a glass, we’ll shape like a glass. If we’re in a bowl, we’ll shape like a bowl. How do you wanna shape yourself? 

You can’t expect to be a happy person when you’re involved in a grumpy, angry, negative people. Stay away from them! 

Have you seen the movie ‘Trolls’? The Bergens thought that their happiness is only happening when they eat Trolls. Their happiness depends on Trolls. Why? Coz they’ve seen how Trolls are a very happy people, they thought by eating them, they’ll be happy too. 

Trolls sings, hugs, love each other coz they are surrounded by songs, hugs and love. The Bergens? They stay grumpy, angry, sad, coz they’re all the same. One happy Troll can make one happy Bergen. But in the end they found out, that happiness comes only from within. 

Posted in Adulting, Christianity, Daily Prompt, Parenting, Thoughts

Not a model

Sometimes I feel like a failure for unable to give the right model to my kids. How I wish I can be their mirror and see the best side of them. To encourage them to be what’s best. 

They might see me like a nagging mother, telling them what to do and not do. Reminding them to do their chores, homework, school assignments, to go to church, to Sunday school, to be kind, to be responsible, to be respectful, to be disciplined, to be grateful, to build good habits, to get rid any kind of laziness, and so many else, all the time, again and again. 

Many times, my mouth feels literally tired for ‘talking’. But I have to do it. I need to build their mentality, coz they don’t have a model. The model to shape their personalities. 

They need to be what men gotta be, how God wants them. I want one day, when I send my boys to build their own family, I can proudly see that he becomes the men of honor, the men of the house, the men that can be a model to their children, the men who respect the word of love, the men that understand the essence of marriage in the name of God. 

I’m just an ordinary mom, far away from any saint’s criteria, and not trying to be an angel. I’m just an ordinary mom, trying so hard to be a mother. How motherhood can brings out any ‘Wonder Woman’ side of us 😊 

Posted in Daily Prompt, Parenting, Thoughts, What happened?

I’m a bad mom! 

As much as I love my kids, I love them too. After about 10-15 hours with my children everyday, cleaning the house, cooking, chauffeur-ing, taking care of business. I’d love to have time watching Grey’s Anatomy just for 2 episodes (2 hours out of hundreds hours I spend with the kids) once a week. 

What is so wrong in having a time, watching my favorite TV show? Can I skip just one night sending the kids to bed, just a good night kiss instead of spending 20-30 minutes reading Bible, looking for mosquitoes, telling stories, and other before bed routines? 

Would I be a bad mother for choosing Grey’s Anatomy over my kids for 2 hours? 

Would I be a bad mother wanting a time to watch TV? 

Would I? 

Posted in Adulting, Christianity, Daily Prompt, Parenting, Thoughts

Should I be worry? 

My old self wouldn’t be thanking God for giving me this financial crisis, where I’m bearly afford anything. But you know what… I’m finding my new self in this ashes of crumbling life of mine. 

I thought that I wouldn’t survive another crash, couldn’t bear any more pain, couldn’t stay any longer and try to be tougher. I do. I am doing it. Not easy, it’s super hard, but I’m gonna do it. This too shall pass. 

My old self would be worrying about anything now, everything. I would be devastated for not being able to shop for clothes, to not sit in a restaurant with my friends eating expensive food, to not do anything I want that would surely cost me some money, to not go somewhere and have a nice vacation. 

Now, I’m in my 5th day on my ‘no spend’ week and I’m not dying, I’m still alive. I survive. 

Now, I see what’s more important in life. Not the clothes I wear, not the food I eat, not all the blinking sparkling life I tried to showed off to people. 

I know now, that God is more interested in the ministry I do while I’m wearing my clothes, even if its a cheap clothes. God is more concerned with what I’m gonna do with the energy the food gives me, even if its just ‘a low end’ kinda food. God is a lot more invested in what I’m going to do when I’m somewhere, even if I’m only going to school for my kids everyday and not spending time at the mall or vacationing at one part of Indonesia. 

Instead of worrying about unimportant things, I know that God has something better for me to do, besides worrying my life. I think I’m gonna maintain this lifestyle and I’m bringing my kids along with me in this journey 🙏

Posted in Adulting, Christianity, Daily Prompt, Parenting, Thoughts

I found him! 

I am running out of Joel Osteen’s videos on YouTube. Searching for another preach and I found him. 

I often watch Joel’s with the kids and I showed them Jon’s, they prefer Jon’s. Maybe coz he’s young and send the message in a more ‘fun’ way. The kids accept it well. Of course I choose what subject to give my kids base on their need in their age, and Jon covers almost everything. And his sermons are mostly short so the kids won’t get bored. 

After they watch it, I add a little more explanation to their questions regarding the sermon. Well, I’m not a Bible expert, don’t even know how to find a verse fastly, but I sure know how to explain a bit or two about being a human according to how God wants us to be. And I always relate the verses and sermons to their/our life. 

I’m still learning and I’m bringing my kids long 😉 

Posted in Adulting, Christianity, Daily Prompt, Thoughts

Confession! 

I have a confession! 

I’m not good at praying. At church all I say through the hours is only “Thank You!”. All I say through the sermon is “Amen!”. Repeatedly, like a mantra. 

I have the same prayer before my meals, the exact words as I was praying 20 (ish) years ago. I don’t sit in silence to pray. I didn’t know how to pray. I still don’t. 

Was I not blessed for not praying good prayers? I was. Abundantly. Am I not blessed for (still) not praying good prayers? I am. Abundantly. 

I believe, God knows me. God knows what I need and He will provide. Doesn’t have to be what I want, but He knows what is best for me. 

All these years I learn not to ask, but I open my heart to receive. When I ask, I would get disappointed when things don’t turns out how I wanted it to be. But when I condition myself to receive, all I feel is gratitude. 

God breathed life in me, created me, He’s the only one who knows me inside out. I don’t have to ask, He provides, and I will receive with gratitude 🙏 

Posted in Adulting, Christianity, Daily Prompt, Thoughts

God is a demanding God

It’s true! 

Yes He give us the freedom to choose. He won’t insist that we choose His path. Still, we have to be responsible.

We choose to be married, we have to work hard to keep the marriage. 

We choose to have children, we have to take care of the kids and providing. 

We choose to buy a house, we have to pay the mortgage and take care of the house. 

So many things we have chosen in our life, God provides. Yet, He demands our responsibility. 

The more you can proof that you’re capable in handling things you have, God will provide more. I have faith in that. 

Think of it like this… 

I’ve been praying to buy a house. Our own house. Hubby’s been working hard so we can buy a house. We’ve been renting big houses, small houses, even tiny apartment. All those times, I keep the house neat and clean, so I can provide a healthy home for my children. I’ve had helper to maintain the house coz I was working, but the goal is there. 

Now we have our own house. Bigger than any of the rented houses and much much bigger than our tiny little apartment. Now I don’t have a helper, I clean and organize my house by myself. Keep everything as comfortable as possible and healthy for the kids. Do you think God will provide me this big house if all those times I didn’t maintain my previous houses? 

Do you think you can give an expensive phone to your children when they always break every cheap phone you bought for them? Of course you want them to show you that they can be trusted to have an expensive phone. That they’re responsible enough to take care of the phone. Right? 

Our Father in heaven is also like that. He wants us to show Him that we can be trusted for Him to give something bigger to you. He’s Almighty, He can give ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. But first, He demands your responsibility. 

I have an online shop. What happen if I seldom upload my things to sale? No one will know what I was selling, who would’ve bought? So, I need to work. Take pictures, edit, upload, response. That’s the only way that God is able to bless me with income. No work no money. Simple. That’s how much God demands. 

If you want to have a successful life, career wise or life wise. Work your ass off. If work hard is not enough, work harder. You can’t simply live your life laying around the house, playing games till the next morning, sleeping when everybody is working and up when everybody is sleeping, idling around, not even trying to help yourself to be a better person. How would God grant you a better job nor a better life? 

We should be working dang hard to impress God. To show Him that we’re worthed His grand prize. Get up early in the morning, do something useful, help around, improve yourself. Don’t have a job, why should I get up early? Because you have God to impress on. He needs to know that you’re ready for the big job He’s planning for you. Until you show him that you’re able to handle them, He won’t give you that big job. 

Your boss won’t promote you if in your current position you don’t perform well. God is demanding like that. Show Him that you can handle a bigger job, then only He can give you. Simple. 

Same as money. Show Him that you can handle this amount of money (whatever your income is), be wise in spending them, be thoughtful, then only He will provide you with more money. The more you show him, the more money He trust you with. 

So, to me… God is a demanding God.