Posted in Adulting, Christianity, Daily Prompt, Thoughts, Writings

Once Again

Kids are so easily content. They live in their bubble. They’re easily diverted into something else when something has disappointed them. 

They enjoy what they have. No protests, no demanding screams, no accusing eyes. I’m so blessed to have them in my life. 

They teach me how to love, to forgive, to forget, to move on. I’m so jealous at how simple their minds are. 

Life is hard. Way harder when you have to deal with judgements and disappoinments. Your life will turned to hell once you let people hurt you. When you let them get to say all they want without considering your heart, flowing inside you, and all you can do is bear the pain, wordless. 

Once again, you become the victim and no lawyer to defend you, not even someone to stand by your side, listening, understanding. 

Once again, you have to be alone, deciding what to do, optioning the life and the death. Like it was never an option. 

Once again, you’re doubting if prayers do gets answered. The question asked whenever we’re at the edges of crumbling down. 

People hurts. It’s our nature to simply put ourselves first than others. It’s only about the measurements. Some are having a small cup, some are having an overdose overflowing selfishness. 

How are we going to live our lives full of egocentric individuals? Even we couldn’t control ourselves at some points. We hurts too. In a thousand different ways of hurting. In a countless different pains that we caused. 

Do we get to choose to stop living? I think we do. We’re just too scared of the consequences. The after life. No one has ever indulge me in the after life stories. 

I don’t know whether I want to live or die. I’m just so scared of the possibility of not being able to be present for the souls I left. I’m just so afraid of those scars I caused if I stay. 

I’m talking like I don’t believe in God. I do. I do believe that God is Almighty. God will bless me with all the strength I need to stay alive and grant me with all the peace I need to leave the world. 

But there’s a bridge between me and God. I’m stumbling down, walking limbs, broken bones, barely having my heart beats, trying so hard to across the bridge. 

Alone. 

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Author:

An ordinary mom trying to do my bit of everything in the best way I could

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