Posted in Adulting, Christianity, Day In The Life, Thoughts, What happened?, Writings

38

Today is the day I turn 38.

38 years of ups and downs.

38 years of good and bad.

38 years of routines.

38 years of God working on me. 

God is the potter and I am His clay.

For 38 years, God spins me over and over and over. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed. I want to get out of the wheel. I feel that I’m spinning without seeing any changes. Sometimes I questioned God. He knows what I’m going through. Moving in circles. Instead of getting any good changes, I feel dizzy and lightheaded. It happens when I got my vertigo. The world is spinning, but I don’t get to go anywhere, couldn’t even stand up without throwing up. 

What is happening? Why am I not chosen to be blessed? Am I not worthed? I bombarded Him with my unsatisfactory questions. 

For 38 years, I am hot and cold. Worshipping God for His greatness. Other times I blame Him. There are times I faithfully went to church. Other times, I stayed home on Sundays, thinking that it’s pointless, going to church. 

In 38 years of my life, I am what I am. God doesn’t change one situation, not because He doesn’t want to, but because He’s changing me. To prepare me for what’s coming. To mold me to fit into the blessing He has prepared for me. 

In 38 years of my life, I have become a responsible mother. Doing all these motherhood routines. Checking off my to do list. Working my ass off. Unnoticed for now. But my boys are taking in my routines, seeing what I’m doing in their life, in front of their eyes. Molding them to be a responsible man. 

In 38 years of my life, I am normal. Normally follows what I thought was the right ways. Normal to swipe the credit card to get what I want. Normal to spend unwisely. Normal to be financially irresponsible. But I learned that I was following the wrong examples. I am now seeing people being responsible with their money. Not that they don’t have the money to spend, but their being responsible. 

I’m mature enough to decide what I want to see. They have money, but they go back home after errands to have their lunch instead of eating out. They have money, but they thrift shopping. They have money, but they don’t go to the theater every week. They have money, but they’reโ€‹ budgeting and stick to it. They have money, but they don’t treat their children like the owner of the world. 

In 38 years of my life, I am the clay of God’s pottery. I’m gonna trust Him to make me be what He has planned for me to be. I will be faithfully stay in my spinning wheel. Preparing myself for what’s coming. Thanking Him all the way. 

I was blessed before. I am blessed now. I will be blessed. I will be faithful in my routines for another 38 years and more. I don’t work under people. I work under Almighty God. 

Happy 38th to me! ๐ŸŽ‚ 

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An ordinary mom trying to do my bit of everything in the best way I could

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