When life is hard, it’s even harder to be obedient in God. When God ask us to do what’s right that we don’t see it’ll bring good to us, we disobey God. We’re forcing our way and try to put Him in a box.
I skipped many things in my life that I should do. Thinking that my way is the best. Thinking that a small act of obedient won’t effect my life.
I was totally mistaken. God has a bigger blessing to any kind of obedience in the small. Even the act of being a stay at home mom, when cleaning house and cooking for my children are a ‘small’ routines, don’t mean anything to you, God is seeing that as being obedient.
I’ve been debating with myself whether to do company work again or stay at home taking care of the house and the kids. Financially, I need to be working again, making a steady income for the family. Spiritually, hard for me to leave the kids. It’s the struggle I am in.
I’m still doing my VA jobs, but it’s not a steady income. It can provide us but it’s like living on the edge each week. I wouldn’t know whether I have money coming in this week or next week or next month or few months later. It’s a gambling life. I am really walking in the blind right now.
But you know what… The feeling of walking in the blind, not knowing what to come, is strangely a much better feeling than to leave my children at home to work outside the house. To leave them for about 12 hours a day.
Isn’t funny? The feeling of lacking money is better than the feeling of leaving the children at home to be financially provided. I couldn’t believe it either. You can call me stupid, but I’m listening to my inner ear. To be a stay at home mom, doing housework, taking care of the kids, earning small money, and surrender to God.
I should stop arguing. I mustn’t make excuses. I should listen to my inner ear that I just have to obey. Keep doing what’s right, start from the smallest, and let God do His way.