It pokes me! When was the last time I laughed so hard? Ages ago. I used to be a fun person to be with. My fun didn’t include drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes. I’m a Gemini. I’m a fun person. Where is that girl go? I guess… Drown in the pool of problems, responsibilities, heartache, bad relationship, bills, etc.
I get less and less patience each day. My friends who knows me on the old days, see me differently. They would said, what happened to you? Coz my face says it all. I don’t have beautiful face but my face used to be ‘shiny’. Coz I laughed alot. Like tiny single things that you don’t find its funny, I would have laughed so hard on that.
I guess that’s why once a General Manager of a 5* hotel in Batam hire me as a sales & marketing instead of front desk as I was applying to. I took the job, of course. And I sorta ‘bloom’. I love being around people. Talking and laughing was all I have to do. And I did well. I found myself in Batam.
And I left ‘me’ in Batam. I missed ‘me’. I’m now too busy taking care of the house, the boys, the money, everything is about responsibilities. I don’t hang around friends anymore coz I have chores to do. But I do have ‘people’ to remind me of my responsibilities at ALL times. I envy wives and moms who still have their time of being themselves around friends. They get to laugh and talk whatever nonsense there is in the world without anyone judging them for being irresponsible and wasting their time ‘doing nothing’.
But through times I realized that it is what it is. I can’t change the situation I’m in. The more I dwell on it, the more unhappy my life is. So, I have to work with what I have. I have to find the humor in my everyday life. I have to find the joy in whatever situation I am in. So is you. If there’s nothing we can do to change the situation, work with what you have. Be a happy person. Even if you have to do it alone. Like I do.
Find sometimes alone. Do what makes you happy. When your kids are at school. When your spouse is at work. Do your joy moments when it’s impossible to do when they’re around you. Find your happiness. Read a Bible, read a book, put on some remix and start to dance, play Mariah Carey or Celine Dion and hit that high notes, do your home spa and spend hours in the bathroom, do YouTube videos as you have millions subscribers and keep that video locked up in a drawer to yourself, whatever brings you Joy. Do it! And I don’t mean ‘bad’ joy.
I know exactly how it feels to loose yourselves. Not being able to be yourselves. Being judged that being you is not the right thing to do. I know how it feels to live in a negative environment with negative people around you, when they’re all so grumpy and always have sour look on their faces as if they have the most heaviest problems in the world and makes loud ‘sigh noices’ everytime they move as if they move with the most heaviest burden in the world. Trust me… I know.
If you don’t try to ‘get out’ of that situation or environment, you’ll get insane. You will loose your mind. Give yourself a permission to have a break. To find your joy. To laugh. To be yourself.
You don’t have to do it alone. But if alone is the only option. Do it alone. And maybe, maybe… Your joy will be contagious and affect them too so that you’ll be happy together.
You want to stay young on the inside, less wrinkles on your face, away from any health issues, a shining face full of smiles that brings joy to other people around you. So that people know that God lives in you.